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+--- Thread: How should I react when my 15 year old daughter gets bad grades? (/thread-32190.html)
- bunnygrl43 - 11-09-2012 06:02 PM
She's 15, she's in 10th grade right? Chemistry is a hard subject to do so maybe she needs help on that point. but its not like she's a baby. She's not in middle school anymore where people hold her hand and tell her she must do that and call the parents. I think maybe she's having trouble with those classes just get her switched to a lower level of chemistry. Theirs no reason for her to do badly on a book report since all you do is read the book and summarize it. that you should have a talk with her. if she has any activities right now cut them, Since she's 15 I'm assuming She'll be driving soon so don't let her get her permit or license. Ground her. In order for her to get A's and B's she has to do some of the work herself.
- Deebrat - 11-09-2012 06:02 PM
Don't do anything, the more you nag her the more she won't study. I know because thats what I do
- Tiara Wales - 11-09-2012 06:02 PM
don't react: talk, help, supervise and if all this doesn't work,well why not talk about it with the school's counselor.
- hairronnie - 11-09-2012 06:02 PM
Don't push her too hard because that would just make her more discouraged. Sit down with her and ask her what the problem is. Ask her if there is a different way that you can approach the studing field. Don't get too mad at her, just take it step by step.
- lavender_lights - 11-09-2012 06:02 PM
maybe try employing these like 'support tutors'
- Harley Lady - 11-09-2012 06:02 PM
Her school should provide a list of other children who would tutor your daughter or even teachers that would help. Take away her privileges if she is not holding up her end. A 15 year old throwing tantrums? She needs some ground rules on what is expected of her and how she should act.Don't give in!
- Fire Storm - 11-09-2012 06:02 PM
Your daughter is acting like a 2 year old, trying to get her way. Explain to her that your are there to help her, when she wants your help. She is upset about being taken away from her friends. Tell her that it hurts you to see her hurting, but that she is only hurting herself by failing in school.
I lost my job this summer, and had to move my 15 and 16 year old out of state. My 16 year old was very excepting of this, but my 15 year old was very angry, and told me the same thing your daughter told you. I told him that as long as he failed school, he could not talk to his friends back home on the computer, or by phone, but as long as he keeps his grades up, he'll be able to talk to them on the computer, go home at Christmas and in the summer (If I can afford it, and help saves the money to help pay for the trip).
Also, most schools having psychologist, or some kind of counselor that they can talk to.
I put a password on the computer, so my son can only get on it, when his chores and homework are done. He understands that D's and F's on the report will get the computer taken away for 9 weeks, and he won't get to go home for Christmas.
I have also explained, that as his parent, it is my job to make the best decision I can for him and his brother, and I am sorry he is unhappy with those decisions, but in just a few short years, he will be 18 and old enough to move out, live where he wants and be responisible for himself, and make decisions regarding his life. Until then I am the parent and I get to make the decisions and rules. If possible, I try to let them have choices and help make important decisions. Unfortunately, our move to Texas, was one that had to be made without input form the kids....it was a matter of a job.
- MommaBear - 11-09-2012 06:02 PM
She's got so much on her emotional plate right now that grades are the least of it. Her father has essentially said, "I don't have time for you, even though you've lived with me for a 1/3 of your life," so she's working through some pretty intense rejection issues right now, plus having moved to a new school and having to get used to new living arrangements, as well as leaving all her friends (at this age, friends are more important than air!)
1. Make sure your expectations are realistic. Some kids just aren't MEANT to make A's and B's. Some kids ARE "average". Have a meeting with her school counselor, review previous aptitude tests, and see where she falls on the curve.
2. YOU are not responsible for her grades. SHE is. Stop feeling guilty.
3. At 15, she should not get be getting much help from parents on homework, anyway. She should be well on her way towards taking care of this stuff on her own and taking responsibility for her own work. Parents can help structure time, etc., and make sure that a child has all they need in order to do the work -- but "help with homework" should NOT be an every night occurrance.
3. Make sure she is taking advantage of after-school help sessions with teachers. Our school has an after-school help period where kids can visit teachers and get assistance on homework, upcoming projects, go over things they didn't understand in class, etc. Most teachers would be delighted to help your daughter -- but she has to ask.
4. If she really is struggling with a topic, consider hiring a tutor for her. SInce she has changed schools, she may very well be deficient in some areas. A tutor does two things -- takes YOU out of the loop and removes you as a source of stress, and puts the responsbility for the work back on HER. You want to be her mom, her best cheerleader -- not yet another source of stress.
5. Tantrums are unacceptable about ANYTHING, but girls and hormones . . . *sigh*. Make it clear that you are willing to discuss anything in a calm fashion, but tantrums are cause for loss of privileges (i.e., cell phone, Facebook, etc.)
6. Once you have a reasonable idea of expectations, sit down with her and come up with an agreement: As long as she makes "C"s or better, then she will be able to enjoy reasonable freedoms. Once grades fall below an agreed level (again, make sure they are realistic), then you need to help her structure her time more until she brings them in line. Structuring her time: Setting aside a certain amount of time each evening and WEEKEND to do schoolwork -- no TV or phone, no non-academic internet use.
7. Try and determine if she knows what she wants to do after graduation. Does she WANT to go to college? If so, look up the admissions criteria for the colleges she is interested in -- point out the grades that the middle 50% of admitted students have, and see if they match her efforts. It is NOT too late -- most schools will be understanding of increased effort and improvement, especially with family issues mixed in.
8. Consider enrolling her in a smaller, private school that can give her more individual attention.
Good luck.
- Laura B - 11-09-2012 06:02 PM
TAKE HER TO GET TESTED AT A SYLVAN LEARNING CENTER. IT'S EXPENSIVE BUT YOU FIND OUT WHAT HER LEARNING ISSUES ARE AND WHAT CAN BE DONE TO HELP HER. YOU MIGHT ALSO WANT TO GET HER THERAPY TO HELP HER WITH ANGER MANAGEMENT. SHE MAY EVEN HAVE A LEARNING DISABILITY.
- nightwolfdog - 11-09-2012 06:02 PM
Let her know that you love her. Girls are generally very sensitive at this age. It's a tough age. Anyway, divorce is very hard on kids. I'm a 'divorce child' since i was three. My mom remarried and had my two sisters with my stepdad. eventually i warmed up to him. If she was living with her dad for five years, she was used to being with him and him not caring about her grades and behavior. family counseling might help, especially if he gets involved as well. Teenagers do better if they have consistency in their lives, unfortunately they rarely get this in their family.