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How many women see sex with their partner as a 'sexuaI duty'? - biker - 03-13-2014 04:42 PM
Some answers from a previous question got me thinking.
So if your husband/bf gives up on approaching you for sex, would you be more satisfied? Or would you, as shown in some surveys, start developing anxieties and stalk his facebook account and text messages?
What do you really want?
@Lilith- So if the sex starts to get boring, you show signs of displeasure and so he stops approaching, that's the beginning of the end?
It sounds as if most women have this opinion that men can't live without sex, hence they may be getting it from somewhere else
@Granny- While I can't speak on behalf of Gen X men, most young men I know don't have the kind of expectation you're talking about from their partners. There are new innovations that allow men to get off by themselves, you know? But how many women don't see p*rn or something of that sort as a threat?
- Alan - 03-13-2014 04:46 PM
It's a pretty sad state that most relationships turn out to be this way.
- 311 - 03-13-2014 04:48 PM
If a woman stops having sex with her partner, be would either cheat dump her meaning sex is a duty.
- 999 - 03-13-2014 04:54 PM
Only if I didn't find sexual intercourse pleasurable, but my partner's good at it.
If he stopped showing any interest in sex, I would begin to get extremely worried, questioning whether he no longer found me attractive or was being unfaithful.
----------------------------------
Definitely not. My partner and I didn't become sexual until 7 months into our long-term relationship and we're great with communication, exploring all aspects of pleasure. We also often switch roles, so I would initiate sex an equal amount.
If someone my age becomes disinterested in sex, there is always a reason.
- Bebe J - 03-13-2014 05:07 PM
Sometimes, rarely, I do see it as a duty. Like I might not be in the mood but I need to be considerate if he is and do it anyway. And it's not like it's horrible or anything, lol. But most of the time I do it because I want to as well. If he stopped asking I'd be concerned, yes.
- Granny Tea - 03-13-2014 05:20 PM
That was the way it was seen when I first got married...before marital rape was banned or even recognized as a type of rape. Sex in marriage was expected, it was not seen as a choice, so most women didn't even think to refuse it if the man truly insisted.
Nowadays there is still a male expectation that when he is in relationship that his girlfriend or wife is supposed to have sex with him whenever he wants it and if a woman says no but has no "good excuse" besides just not wanting to, there tends to be this guilt fest about it being every partner's responsibility to to see to their partner's sexual needs and that he would see to her needs if she was in the mood.
However, that is an incredibly dishonest approach, since men tend to have the much higher sex drive, therefore it is mostly the male who would benefit from this questionable arrangement and the woman who would be most likely to suffer from it...constantly feeling like it is wrong for her to say no when she is not in the mood and feeling pressured to have sex or she is somehow a bad partner.
Lots of guys even threaten to get their needs met elsewhere if their woman isn't willing every time he wants it, or if she refuses to partake in other types of sexual behaviour, such as oral.
I see men on GS saying this sort of thing quite often, but if you have noticed something different happening in the younger generation of males. please share.
Edit:
There is a difference between approaching and insisting...or trying to guilt her into it when she is not in the mood.
There needs to be an understanding that it's safe for her to tell him when she's not in the mood and that if she starts feeling in the mood at some point that day, she'll approach him.
This can go both ways too. Sometimes guys feel like they can't say no if she approaches. For a couple to have a truly healthy sex life, both partners should feel like it is always safe to say no at any time, even if they are already being intimate at the moment.
Edit:
I think porn is fine as long as it doesn't end up replacing their sexual relationship. Some women think porn is a type of cheating, but those women usually tend to be the same ones who have been convinced that it's their duty to always see to their man's needs. A lot of these guys want their partner to always be available, yet want to be able to watch porn too. In an arrangement like that, it only makes sense that the woman would feel rejected, since he is choosing to watch porn even though she is always willing. He's choosing the porn over her.
- Clue - 03-13-2014 05:26 PM
I would definitely be more satisfied if he stopped asking. No I wouldn't worry. I would trust him. Otherwise why be with him?
I wouldn't call it a duty but yes I prefer not doing it.
- Mabe - 03-13-2014 05:32 PM
Good duty, on both our parts, I hope
There is something to be said, though, at times, when a person you are with, does change their way of doing something, that you both have liked. It makes itself known in the relationship. I don't think sneaking around is necessary. I think seeking the reason in being honest with one another more helpful.
- Jade - 03-13-2014 05:46 PM
I don't see sex as a duty. I enjoy sex, too, and if I don't have any after a while, I start getting grumpy and sexually frustrated. So, if he stopped wanting to have sex or initiating, I'd get concerned. I'd worry I wasn't attractive enough or if something was wrong between the two of us.
I am concerned that he is satisfied, too. But, I wouldn't say that is seeing sex as a duty,just being concerned about his well being. I don't have sex when I don't want to, but when it could go either way, if he wants to, I just figure why not make him happy. I'll feel nice, too, so what the hey.
- MADLUV - 03-13-2014 05:55 PM
depends if i'm in the middle of something i see it as an interruption. if i get a hey when you get a minute come here. and i take a minute from the something i'm doing .. and walk in on you naked. Now that is very satisfying . but just coming up to me assuming i want it when you want it. not so much.!
More times then not i just want respect when approached. respect of my time and what i'm doing first and for most.
if i'm just not in the mood and he pushes then it feels like a chore because he has every right to have sex.. sometimes i'm not in the mood so i'm like hurry up. at least on the inside i wouldn't let him know that would be a turn off. and I want to please my man.