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+--- Thread: Pressure to be beautiful from friends?!? (/thread-111810.html)
Pressure to be beautiful from friends?!? - Holden Caulfield - 03-20-2014 03:52 PM
Lately I've been feeling awfully inadequate, especially in beauty.
I know that society puts a lot of pressure on girls to incorporate the beauty standard in the way the look, present themselves, and lead their lives, but its really taken a toll on my mental health.
I am quite slim, so body mass is not the issue. Its more of the psychological factor of all this.
First of all, my best friend in the entire world is an artist. She takes into account people facial features to an acute point, and she ALWAYS mentions that my eyes are really big and round. It ticks me off.
Once she compared my eyes to another girl, and she was like, "that girl, she has eyes of an actress, however your eyes are just really round. they're not that bad, its not like they're ugly, they just aren't gorgeous."
As if. I know that I'm not a supermodel, but she's just so brutally honest its annoying. I told her that I would like it if she stop overanalyzing my face.
She also told me that if I was insecure, I could "fix" my large eyes using makeup. She made me get a complex that my eyes were just too big which I had never felt before.
Whats confusing to me is that she is amazing in all other ways, a comforting presence, helps me with my problems, etc. cares about me...
It sounds silly that I wish she would think I'm pretty, but I really do. Not in the conceited way, in the way that I wish she could help me feel confident.
She rants and raves about how some girls are just so gorgeous, and it feels like its a tacit comparison with ME.
She once said about my looks, "yeah you, you're not that bad. not bad at all"
Is she calling me average? I don't see what her right is to judge me.
Not many people call me pretty either. Even on facebook. I get the occasional compliment, and I know such trivialities should be the least of my concerns, but I cant stop obsessing over it
I just want to feel beautiful without letting other people define my self worth. Is she a true friend? Should I stick around her if she makes me feel this way or am I thinking too deeply into her words?
Thanks for caring about my silly question
- Yuriko - 03-20-2014 03:59 PM
Personally you shouldn't worry much about your outward appearances as much as ur character. Trust me. I know many pretty girls or girls who wear tons of makeup (big difference there) who are snobby. Just be yourself. If you like wearing makeup then go with it. If not don't wear it.
- Arielle - 03-20-2014 04:15 PM
1. You're friends a bitch. She isn't a damn supermodel either so tell her to knock it off.
2. I never found most models that pretty? The whole slanted sexy eye thing I never got. I'd LOVE to have huge eyes like an anime character or a doll. Everyone's standard of beauty is different, but embrace your big eyes. They're rare and very cute.
- shay - 03-20-2014 04:17 PM
First off you need to tell her it hurts your feelings. Tell her how it makes you feel.
Second big eyes are great. The bigger the better trust me. She could be jealous but I'm not sure. Maybe because yours are bigger than normal she thinks they are too big but I think too big is impossible. You don't need makeup to change the way you look
As for the Facebook thing that had nothing to do with how "pretty" you are. Trust me it just depends in what kind of people you are friends with. I see beautiful girls who don't get that many compliments.
Just talk to her about it and see how it works.
- Abril - 03-20-2014 04:28 PM
Remember nobody is perfect. Everyone has flaws even your friend. If she hurts your feelings too much and you tell and she doesn't listen to you then find new friends.
- Jihane - 03-20-2014 04:34 PM
You are UNIQUE. She might be a good, comforting friend here and there, but you and I both know she has absolutely no right to make judgments and come to conclusions about your physical appearance. Personally, I find big eyes beautiful, and I bet-- no, I know, there is a guy or whoever..someone out there wondering what it would be like to know someone like you. Keep your head up
you've only heard one opinion from someone who is too nonchalant to notice your beauty. Find your confidence, everyone is beautiful no matter what
- uknown - 03-20-2014 04:50 PM
I want you to ask yourself what you think beauty is. What do you see when you think of beautiful? Do you think of a tall, dark guy? Or a short, perfect-figure girl? Do you think of a sunset on a beach? Do you think of someone you know? An artwork you've marveled at?
Whatever you think of, it is not going to be the exact same thing anyone else thinks of.
Each of us have a different idea of beauty and what is beautiful to us. When she sees you, she is comparing you to HER IDEA of beautiful. As you may not think that she is your idea of beautiful. Respect her idea of beauty because I can promise you it won't change, but make her respect YOUR IDEA of beauty. And your idea of beauty and what is beautiful should be yourself. You should believe you are beautiful amongst many other things or features or people you think are beautiful. If you compare her to what you think is beautiful, I'm sure she will realize that being compared about features you can't naturally change is not the greatest feeling. If she continues, then argue your point that you are tired of her comparing you to things you don't care about. Don't let her make you feel lesser just because you have different ideas of beauty. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.