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I have a brother that was put up for adoptions and I was wondering what is the best way to try and find him? - Nick - 03-21-2014 03:33 AM
Any steps and procedures to take would be greatly appreciated
- MizzB - 03-21-2014 03:36 AM
You would be best to ask your mother about this. If your brother is still a child , finding him may not be a good thing at the moment as he would have many issues about it. He may not even know that he is adopted. You have to weigh up the balance of "who is going to benefit from this ?" If the only person who wants to do this is you, then I'd stop right there because finding adopted people is a minefield of emotional trauma which can leave a lot of people damaged.
Ask your mother about the adoption - I'm sure there were very good reasons for it. Don't just decide to go looking. Here is some information, but you'd need your mother's cooperation. https://www.childwelfare.gov/pubs/f_search.pdf#page=3&view=Steps in the Search Process
- H****** - 03-21-2014 03:40 AM
Wow, I don't know where Mizz got info from but this adoptee would be over the moon if a brother or sister showed up!
There will always be people putting a negative spin on this, so please take them with a pinch of salt.
Some States have sibling reunion registries and there are also successful online reunion registries such as registry.adoption.com and ISRR.org
There are millions of adoptees searching for the truth of their origins, so don't be put off with the censorious types^^^^^
- Kbw - 03-21-2014 03:47 AM
if he is an adult then asking your parents/adoption agency for his details would be a start however not every agency will give these out, try facebook, its great at finding people
- Pip - 03-21-2014 03:57 AM
If he is 18 or older he may be searching for his natural family anyway but you can search as well. You may be able to get your name on search registers, the adoption agency might help, setting a page on Facebook and so on.
Don't take any notice of MizzB's negativity as she doesn't know your brother therefore has no right to state how he might or might feel.
It's not unusual for adoptees to have many issues about about being adopted but that doesn't mean he shouldn't search or that you shouldn't. Reunion may help him to work through his issues. If he doesn't know that he is adopted then it's wrong of his adopters to have lived a lie by default because they haven't told him the truth. Your brother has the right to know the truth, have access to medical information and know who is his natural family.
She is wrong to question who benefits finding him if you reunite. Even if your brother doesn't want a reunion then at least you have closure and he knows you cared enough to search so both of you will benefit. On the other side of the coin he nay be searching so if you reunite then you benefit, the rest of your family benefit and your brother benefits. to .
It can be a minefield of emotional trauma for your brother but it can be for your mother as she is the one who surrendered hi. If she was coerced into surrendering then it will bring back the trauma of that ... trust me I know what I am talking about as I was coerced into surrendering my son.
Don't be put off searching for your brother by negative people and good luck