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+--- Thread: Should I Delete Her? Please read!? (/thread-11550.html)
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Should I Delete Her? Please read!? - Redheaded Songbird <3 - 10-15-2012 08:00 PM
I'll just come right out and say it: my husband cheated on me. I'm working through it.
The girl he did it with is someone I've never met, but is a good friend with my husband. We are Facebook friends, and she was stupid enough to post pictures. That's the only reason I found out.
I have become addicted to checking her Facebook page. Seriously. I check it constantly, at least once an hour, just praying I don't find new pictures or new evidence. So far nothing, but this is taking a real toll on me. I hate constantly logging in to check her page. I've been thinking about just deleting her from my friends. That would really give me some closure and help me gain some sanity.
The problem is, I'm not sure if I trust my husband to tell me if something like this happens again. So I'm not sure that if I delete her if I'm shooting myself in the foot and just turning away from what could become another problem.
Can I delete her and get some closure to this, or would it be smarter to just keep doing what I'm doing? I'm just tired of living my life like this. Any input would be helpful. I want to make the final decision today. Either I'm deleting her forever or keeping her on my FB.
- katie2008 - 10-15-2012 08:08 PM
Once the trust has been broken, it is very, very difficult to rebuild. Your paranoia about this gal is not the real issue you need to be addressing.....the real problem is your unfaithful husband.
You may think you forgive him; but you will never forget; and your marriage will never be as it was before his indiscretion.
Will he cheat again? Odds are, sadly, that he will.
It's up to you to make some a decision: stay married and constantly be worried and suspicious; or divorce and move on with your life.
- fizixx - 10-15-2012 08:08 PM
FB is little more than a Craigslist version of a hook-up site.
What's the big deal about deleting that jackass? Do it already......I'd say you should delete that jackass you call a husband too. That's a 100% deal breaker!
- Curious - 10-15-2012 08:08 PM
I wouldn't delete her if she's stupid enough to put photo's on facebook of the affair, and I wouldn't keep checking it as often as you are.
If you delete her you'll start wondering. So keep her there, don't check so often.
Why is your husband still friends with her anyway??.
- Sassy - 10-15-2012 08:08 PM
Doing what you are doing is NOT helping you to move towards closure on this wound. When you said you wanted to delete her as a facebook friend, as you saying SHE (the mistress) actually became friends with you, or is this your husbands account you would be deleting her from?
Realize that daily stalking of her facebook account will not stop any cheating. Since you discovered it on facebook, they will just get smart and not post anything about it on there.
You never mentioned if your husband is remorseful and wants to work things out and has cut off all contact? You can check her account on a daily basis, but realize she may have old pics she could post and continue your tourment.
- Juicy - 10-15-2012 08:08 PM
i know how you feel; a part of you does not want to be blind sided again and another part does not want all of the anxiety associated with having to constantly check up on your husband. i think you have to take a few steps back and decide what is best for you. the reality is it will take a while for you to regain trust in your husband. what you need to take a look at is his actions, more importantly what you require from him in order to regain trust. focusing on her fb page is holding her accountable, but who really cares about what she does - she's already proven to be untrustworthy, and eventually she will move on to someone else's husband. i say delete her and focus more on your husband. take back your power from her and do not let her win.
- Marie - 10-15-2012 08:08 PM
If its making you neurotic then delete her, thaat wont help your marriage. You decided to forgive him, so drop it. Youll know if hes cheating again...intuition.
- Prettybrown - 10-15-2012 08:08 PM
Honey you need to stop focusing on this man and listen to your head and not your heart. He is as much to blame as she is. Not only do you need to delete her you need to get off facebook alll togethr. Move on to greener pastures. Enjoy your life and meet new people. Get out and do something fun. He cheated on you who cares about this chick. Why would you be on facebook stalking her page. You need to see a therapist to work on your marriage and to see if it;s worth saving. Bump this broad
- starlight1611 - 10-15-2012 08:08 PM
Hey, thats a horrible situation youre in, my advice to you is you might as well delete her...shes not gonna make the same mistake again of uploading photos twice on fbk... so youre practically wasting your time in checking every hour.
Also, if your husband had a tiny morsel of respect for you, he would cut her out immedialety from his life and certainly not have her still on fbk.. and that he hasnt, is concerning. I know its tough for you to hear but as long as youre with this guy and no matter how much you love him, youre gonna be constantly thinkin is he cheating...and thats just mental torture and no way to lead a happy life..
I would personally have to leave him, if it was me, even tho it would be devastating but I couldnt put myself through all that 'is he or isnt he?'
You sound like a good person, and a i truly hope it works out for you. Best of luck!
- Arthur W - 10-15-2012 08:08 PM
Unfortunately nothing will really help here but time and usually alot of it. I can tell you that if you confronted your Husband because of those pics, he has told her and there wont be anymore evidence coming from there at all so go ahead and delete her if you think itll help. Many women would now make him an ex for his actions and it wont be eassy rebuilding the marital trust again as youll never know if he will do it again. So now you must decide whether you can live with all this or if its just easier to cut your losses andd move on and never look back and find someone better who wont cheat on you. Good luck