how would you rewrite this portion of the email? - Printable Version +- Twitist Forums (http://twitist.com) +-- Forum: Twitter forums (/forum-1.html) +--- Forum: Twitter abbreviations (/forum-4.html) +--- Thread: how would you rewrite this portion of the email? (/thread-118569.html)

how would you rewrite this portion of the email? - Zak Z - 03-24-2014 11:48 AM *note i did not write this email. this is an assignment where i need to rewrite it to a more grammatically correct form and sound less harsh without changing content'' the email draft below is not so grammatically perfect, and is rather inappropriate in a workplace setting in terms of tone and choice of words, sentence structure etc. how would you edit it? ''It has come to my attention that employees are using office hours to indulge in their love of Korean dramas and online shopping. If you take an extra long toilet break, don’t think I don’t know that you are keeping up with the latest episode of “Running Man”. I will not stand for this kind of unprofessionalism. This leaves me with no choice but to institute a clampdown on unauthorized online activities during office hours. Beginning next Monday, the following changes will take place. 1.Web Sites like youtube, face book and twitter will be blocked from all office computers. You are also prohibited from using the office wifi on your mobile devices for these sites. 2.Your personal facebook and twitter pages must be made available to me for auditing purposes. 3.Staff must register their online personal blogs and other personal online sites with me. 4.I may ask you to remove any comments that I feel is unbecoming of an employee of Littleton Consulting. You will be given 24 hours to comply.'' Additional Details there is a lot of 'I' aspect in this email. for instance ''dont think i dont know that you are keeping up with the latest episode of running man'' this is also inappropriate - Wizened wizard - 03-24-2014 11:54 AM This has been asked and answered already.