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+--- Thread: could you please rate my poem and tell me what you like and dont like about it? (/thread-120518.html)
could you please rate my poem and tell me what you like and dont like about it? - Anna - 03-24-2014 04:41 PM
Fitting in, standing out, and making people want to shout
Going thin, getting fat and all the drama that comes with that,
Rumours and gossip spread here and there
Being grounded for reasons that seem so unfair
Haters, fakers and all the rest
Winning an award for best dressed
Wanting to be different, join the crew
Why be them when you can be you
Drama bullying so and so
Moving on and let it go
Face book, bebo, MySpace, twitter
All this technology is just making people go bitter
Lip-gloss, blush, mascara and eyeliner,
All this make up isn’t making anyone look any finer
Just letting you know this is the life of a teen
Wanting to be heard but only being seen
- mixxi - 03-24-2014 04:45 PM
wow, thats really good (: i dont like anything about it,
- Lucy - 03-24-2014 04:53 PM
Wow thats amazing. It mentions eveything about the life of a teenager. I really like it. The only thing I would change is when you say " winning an award for best dressed" i would change that to "winning an award for being best dressed. Its all good. You should put it in a competition because I bet you would win. Good Luck
- Aquarius35 - 03-24-2014 05:02 PM
Nice one!
The rapid rhythms and clever rhymes (crew/you, twitter/bitter) capture the non-stop skittishness and constant checking out of self and others that is so well described in the poem.
May you be heard as well as seen!