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+--- Thread: What does it mean when you partner wants space? (/thread-120645.html)
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What does it mean when you partner wants space? - A - 03-24-2014 04:44 PM
Fiance and I have been together 4 years. It has been rough with the loss of a baby, major family illnesses and surgeries, deaths, it has been non stop tragedy for us. It hasn't been easy but we've always overcome them. However, about 2 months ago we go into a small argument that blew way out of proportion. He ended up saying it was over. We didn't see each other or talk for a week, then we talked and he said he wanted to work it out but he needed space and time. Of course this makes me nervous not knowing what he really wants. We talked everyday, still speaking like together, but not seeing each other. But when he initially ended it he removed me from his social media and this upset me that he wouldnt re-add me after deciding to try to work it out. My fear got the best of me when I saw that he was online on social media and ignoring my calls and texts. I ended up texting him that I couldn't take being ignored. This angered him and he refused to speak to me at all for days. Whenhe finally did he just chatted like I was a friend, no more ILY, no more pet names, very short to the point texts, and if we talked on th ephone he would either just hang up or say bye without saying ILY. Yes, I realize this doesn't look good, but the thing is, he is under enormous stress, his parents are both very ill and I know he spends a great deal of time caring for them. It is going to really hurt him when they pass and I know he is scared of that. Today he text me saying that he loves me but needs space to figure this out with his parents. I still haven't seen him in almost 2 months. I hate this being single but talking like friends. Im so afraid im losing him, yes I see the stress but im trying to help care for his parents and he has cut me off. Im afraid to hold on because he may never return, and holding on is very painful when I can see him adding tons of other women. Although I do know he is NOT seeing anyone else. I just hate not feeling important to him, not knowing if he loves me anymore, but then I know he isn't himself, but ive also told him how much it hurts me that he ignores me and adds all these women but refuses to add me. even though mutual friends tell me that he isn't doing anything inappropriate online that they have seen. But he still wont add me, even if I made him choose between adding me or saying goodbye, I know for fact he would say goodbye. Help
I don't understand this. If his parents weren't sick and there wasn't stress I would just say goodbye, but I know something is wrong, but is this normal to shut everyone out and intentionally hurt them?
- Charlie - 03-24-2014 04:51 PM
"i want space" = i want to fck other people before i give up on life and get married.
- acmeraven - 03-24-2014 04:56 PM
Time to pack your suitcases.
- Katie;)<3 - 03-24-2014 05:04 PM
BREAKIN up
- Nancy M - 03-24-2014 05:11 PM
Wanting space means that he wants to be by himself to figure things out for awhile. He has been through alot lately. You may not get back together or else you can still get back together.
- Greg - 03-24-2014 05:16 PM
To me "I want space" means he wants distance between you and him. It is often a way of gently ending a relationship. When there is a lot of stress involved, it is sometimes way of shedding stress he feels you may be imposing on him.
I strongly recommend you not initiate any contact with him. You go on beginning a new life, including relationships with other men. If he truly loves you, he will find his way back. If you love him, give him the love you feel. Should you find love somewhere else, he will pay the penalty for his "space".
If he wants space and you continue to cling to him, you will drive him away. He will begin to resent you. If he is gently ending the relationship, you need to close this chapter in your life and move on.
- G - 03-24-2014 05:20 PM
"He wants to work it out but he needs space and time" = pushing him to talk isn't giving him the space he feels he needs and apparently now is not the time. I suggest backing off and letting him contact you when he feels he is ready. Until then there's nothing you can really do without making it worse.
Stop checking to see who he's adding and stop talking about him to mutual friends. All that will do is torture you. MAYBE contact him once or twice a week, let him know you're thinking of him, ask if there's anything you can do to help with his parents. Not every day and certainly not pushing for "discussions" when he obviously has other things on his mind. Some people do withdraw when under enormous stress, and he may be one of those people. Please just give him room to do what he needs to do and don't force him to cut you off completely because he feels he has no other choice.
- widerat246 - 03-24-2014 05:21 PM
Truly mature people who take their relationship seriously and make it a primary priority do NOT run away but run TO their SO for comfort, understanding and support thru the bad times-IF they are emotionally and mentally MATURE people.
He's NOT a man but a baby-boy. he may even be so immature as to blame YOU for it all...
You've already lost him....the bad times in his life have become more important that the relationship & love he supposedly had for you and while that love should have been his oasis and his strength, he has decided to junk it.
You deserve better. yes, you've invested a lot in him emotionally..but it's a bad investment...pull out NOW before the damage done to YOU becomes worse because despite what you think...he's taking care of himself nicely, believe me. You are there for him...but he obviously can NOT be there for you when it gets tough.
I don't get how rejecting YOU will clear up his confusion...and he won't add you on social media sites because he doesn't want you to see what he is doing, who he is talking to, and how he is talking to them....and how he is talking about YOU.
You say goodbye and walk away...shut the door and bolt it tight. Feel sympathetic for him but NOT at your own expense because Honey, the ONLY person he's thinking about is himself. If he eventually wakes up and realizes how shitty he's been and he's destroyed his relationship with you...well that's the price he needs to pay...but you should NOT pay it, too. Mourn the end of this chapter....and then head held high, go out and start a NEW chapter...you don't need to be in a relationship to validate your self worth and believe me...you won't be single very long I betcha... Consider this a lesson in how NOT to treat a relationship and when the right guy comes along...let this teach you to appreciate the man who DESERVES the appreciation.
- Mia - 03-24-2014 05:29 PM
Even lovers need a holiday
- marianlaughs - 03-24-2014 05:38 PM
You need to give him what he wants, I think you both have had enough drama and it might be time to take a breather from each other and collect yourselves. To try to push yourself on him with all he's dealing with isn't helping matters, you need to send him an e-mail telling him that you will be there for him but you agree that you both need your space and if he needs you that you will be there for him then leave him alone. It's time for you to find yourself, go out with friends, get some counseling for yourself and try to get your head straight after you also have been through. Maybe after a while you will both get your heads straight and perhaps you can start anew or realize that's it's for the best if you just move on, so much baggage and sadness.