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+--- Thread: How to dump this friend? (/thread-124176.html)
How to dump this friend? - Matthew - 04-02-2014 03:59 PM
Let me give some background so this makes sense. A friend of mine we will call "C" and I were very good friends. When a mutual friend of ours, female type, went on a deployment, we adopted her boyfriend into our group while she was gone. Unfortunately, they are no longer together. "C" and I have remained friends with who we will call "M". "C" and I both work in the medical field, rent houses, own cars, and live an average middle class lifestyle. "M" on the other hand work a minimum wage job, we have offered to coach him trough advancing his career, however he does not feel any need to advance and believes its the world that needs to change. We have overlooked this but recently it has gotten out of hand. He no longer waits for an invitation to come over, nor does he ask permission. He simply messages "hey, I'm headed over". Upon arrival "M" begins digging through the pantry looking for things to eat, popcorn, noodles, or anything instant. "C" and I try and act polite and throw out a "Yeah man, feel free" to which he usually smiles and says "thanks" as he is punching the microwave buttons. We try and be understanding because we know he is financially in a tough spot, but it is getting out of hand. When we post on Facebook about going to lunch or dinner somewhere, he responds that he is on his way, shows up and proceeds to order water and eat our appetizers. On top of eating our food whenever possible, he has been very much a buzz kill as of late. If he finds out "C" and I have been planning something without him, he comments with something along the lines of "Oh I see, I guess I'm not cool enough to be part of the group". Additionally, he turns every comment, no matter how irrelevant into something about him not being good enough and nobody likes him. Example: "© Yeah we planned this earlier" "(M) Makes sense you wouldn't let me in on the planing, id probably screw it up like I do everything". We are a group of early 20's guys and I have just never run into this problem before. We originally tried to help him, but have finally realized he truly does not want help. Our original plan was to just slowly wean him out, talk less, invite out less. That is when he began to stop waiting for invites. Now we are not sure how to end this without saying "Look, I know we have been friends but, not anymore". He does not handle bad news well, including a psychotic breakdown when our friend left him.
Ideas?
- Priscilla - 04-02-2014 04:02 PM
Oh well since he doesn't realy want help why stick with him and its even worse that he's a burden now,he wont change just do yourselves a favour and ignore him there's no other way, and if he insist on knowing why you ignoring him that's when u guys will tell him the truth it doesn't matter how he'll take it,but if he's Willing to fix his ways then give him one more chance and that's it.