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To trust or not to trust my boyfriend? - Carol - 11-09-2012 09:31 AM
My boyfriend and I (both 21) have been together for almost a year and we really used to get along.
Well, on to the issue. I knew he had been commenting for a few months on a facebook (female) friend's profile with words such as "very sexy", "so, so cute" and even a "joke" comment in which he says "I want to fap!". The girl is someone who he's never seen personally, but who posts a lot of bikini/sexy pictures to her page. They only have the music tastes in common. Appearently they also changed numbers and phoned each other sometimes and texted often. I discredited the situation for a while, until I could no longer ignore it and decided to address it. I asked him about her and his answer was "she's just a facebook acquaintance who added me out of nowhere". Not happy with the response (I have a sixth sense), I decided to add the girl and ask her upfront. I started a trivial conversation and then asked her about him and revealed that I was his girlfriend.
She reacted immediately and revealed that my boyfriend had been after her, that he'd told her he liked her and telling her that what he had with me "just a minor thing" and that I woulnd't mind him being with other women and that he was willing to cheat since he believed he could like two women at the same time. She also revealed that she knew some awkwardly private details about myself - things my boyfriend told her.
I confronted him and he denied everything. Admits to having had long conversations with her but denies all of this and says that it must have been her misunderstanding his words or saying this out of revenge, since she liked him and found out he was comitted. Admittedly she acted sexually towards him, telling him she was naked, asking him out (which he always declined). We had an argument (our first) and he ended up crying, asking me to stay, repeating the same story over and over: it was a misunderstanding, I never told her that, the other girl is a crazy bitch...
Days later, I found out that they had never indeed seen each other personally since she passed us by in college and looked at us without a word. Later she texted my boyfriend wishing him "the best" in a rather harsh tone and minutes later texted him insulting his physical appearence and mine.
Note: The girl is very hot and seemingly eager to expose her sexuality/body online. I'm not uglier but I'm physically and intellctually very different. People from outside our relationship often describe me as "the perfect girlfriend". They often tell me people like me are "very hard to find". I do lots of things for him, I'm very sweet. I am more intelligent and cult than this girl and I have a lot more common interests with him. I can't see a particular lack in our relationship that would make him seek other women (unless her physical beauty).
- Haley - 11-09-2012 09:40 AM
All boys, single or not, will always be looking at other girls sexy/naked photos. Although if he truly loved you he would have no need to be in contact with any other girl and the fact he said yous were a 'minor' thing is a worry. Confront him about your problems, I mean if he's saying this to one girl you know about, who else could he be saying it too. Hope everything works out for the best x
- Samantha - 11-09-2012 09:40 AM
If they have never met and if he kept declining her, I would say stay with him! It sounds like he is telling the truth if he way crying and stuff.
- John Smith - 11-09-2012 09:40 AM
Last paragraph seemed a bit arrogant. But anyway.
Trust him. If you want the relationship you'll have to trust him. It sounds like when she realised you were his girlfriend she was trying to make you think he was cheating just so she could have him. Jealousy. But then you never know.
- Bistro Didi - 11-09-2012 09:40 AM
This other Facbook girl is one thing, just a girl out there in the world. But your boyfriend is really overstepping the mark and quite frankly I would not trust him. Put it this way, guys who love their girlfriends might look at other girls but they don't action anything, flirt or entice them in any way. Your boyfriend is doing this and its simply not on. If it were me, I'd dump the guy and yes, I would be hurt at the same time and be tempted to overlook things. But your boyfriend really has overstepped the mark here. You are young and he is young and it is normal for young people to be in a relationship that doesn't work out. Good luck with your decision.
- Winter - 11-09-2012 09:40 AM
I think that if youre 'the perfect girlfriend' youre able to find a more 'perfect' boyfriend. He shouldnt be calling random strangers sexy when he has you. I would leave him while you still can. Find someone who wants a relationship with you, who doesnt have room in his life for other women.
- chloee - 11-09-2012 09:40 AM
Id trust my boyfriend,but id still be a bit sketchy
- redrobyn43 - 11-09-2012 09:40 AM
he shouldve NEVER exchanged numbers with her if she was "Just and Aquatance, that he never met"..
Yes she is exposeing herself and seeking for attention or honeslty she probably just gets it because thats just the way it is when you post bikini pics of yourself online. not to diss her..
but his comments are in fact unacceptable and disrespectful to you for sure. He shouldnt be commenting like that, guys are going to look and stuff. But to say "I want to fap!" WTH is that?? A Typo of "I want to Fk"??? thats the i'd read it. Anyhow.. he is probably just being a guy, by being gross with his comments.. but that fact that he's exchanged numbers talked, texted etc. without you knowing and Then just deny it is just messed up. He cried bc he's too weak to just tell the truth, and GOT CAUGHT!! If you discussed it and tolerated it for that long.. and forgave him.. you have to lay the grounds straight.. How would he like it if you were flirting with some other guy behind his back?? There are people in this world, yes all around opposite sexes that we may be attracted to.. but if your in a relationship you chose to be faithful and not cheat. Honestly i'd believe her more than anyhting bc she has NOTHING to lose. she may have elaborated or whatever. .. but her story is more solid bc of that reason.
Ive been there.. and i think he's just getting started he's sneeky. and becasue its a choice to be in a relationship, at his age.. he's not sticking to his faithfullness fully.
- Ellie - 11-09-2012 09:40 AM
I can't say for certain whether or not you should trust him, but he probably deserves a chance to make things right with you. Sometimes people act stupidly without considering the consequences.
Tell him straightforwardly how you feel about this, and that it makes you uncomfortable when he makes sexual comments toward other women. It's not abnormal for guys to look at other attractive girls, but acting on it isn't acceptable (in most relationships anyway). Figure out where your limits are, and let him know. He should come to you first if something is wrong or he feels something is lacking, and sharing intimate details with strangers isn't ok. He should know exactly what your expectations are of him (and those expectations should include complete honesty), so that if something like this were to happen again, there would be no excuse.
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