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+--- Thread: Why does he do this to me? (/thread-19492.html)
Why does he do this to me? - secretsmile - 11-09-2012 09:43 AM
A work collague acts differently towards me compared to other staff members.
There has been times when he has stared at me, (into my eyes) and when I have tried to break the stare, he still holds the stare. He won't accept me as a friend on facebook, even though he his friends with everyone we work with. When I have confided in a work friend who knows us both, she thinks its not like him to behave like this. He once gave me a compliment infront on everyone (which came out of the blue and was quite random).
I have personally sent him a message explaining how his behaviour has made me feel etc, but he never responded.
Bumping into him has become awkward and because he has an easy going friendly attitude/banter with everyone else and not me, it makes me feel hurt.
He knows I am married, but doesn't know I am just about to separate. I didn't fancy him when all this started happening, but I now fancy him after spending time trying to figure him out.
- yusuf - 11-09-2012 09:52 AM
Maybe he thinks you are someone who he already knows... Why not try to ask him face to face?
- Helen - 11-09-2012 09:52 AM
I think you may be jumping to conclusions that he behaves this way because he likes you.
Not necessarily so.
Even if it IS so, don't you hear that sound? It's warning bells going off very loudly...
Be very very wary of anyone who won't accept you on Facebook (ever thought that maybe he's ALSO married)? In addition to this, his behaviour towards you is highly intimidating and anti-social. There is no valid reason to ignore your message, and on top of you telling him how uncomfortable it makes you, he carries on behaving this way!
What exactly are you starting to find attractive about this? What you describe is very close to harrassment...
It's natural that you are, in a way, flattered, by what you perceive to be, his attention. Especially given that you are soon to be going through a separation. Of course it must be an upsetting and confusing time for you, and any distraction from your pain is welcome.
But his is NOT normal behaviour.
I would advise you to zone him out completely - don't reward his attitude with attention or curiosity. Act as though he's not even there. If he won't do you the courtesy of communicating like a grown adult, then don't give him the time of day. When a child acts out for attention, we ignore them. This is what you need to do.
Technically you are still married. Let the dust settle before you even think about seeing anyone else (especially someone who acts so disturbingly).