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How do I confront my rapist? - anon0915 - 03-01-2013 09:25 AM
I need some advice and fast because, believe it or not, all the rape advice websites were useless and I couldn't find any useful forum or chat room.
Here is the situation. I was raped a year and a half ago and it destroyed me. The day after I took an overdose have suffered constant nightmares, flashbacks ect. Went to the police but 8 months later and they put me through 3 hours of intense questioning only to tell me they couldn't persue because of a lack of evidence and leave me traumatised as I had to drag up every last detail. Stuff that I had buried and not thought about.
3 days ago I found him on facebook. I found some messages he had sent me in an archive folder I didn't know existed. I finally have my chance to confront him and tell him what he did to me and how it affected not only me but my family too. I have absolutely no idea how to go about it though. Im not even sure what to say. Should I just start by saying hi? Or should I just jump straight in. I dont know if I want him to respond once I've told him what he did but I want to make sure he has seen it and knows the hell he has put me through. Sorry if this makes little sense and some spellings are probably off but Im obviously rather upset and would appreciate ANY help/advice!!
- Victoria - 03-01-2013 09:30 AM
Get straight to the point ! Tell him off
- Joshua - 03-01-2013 09:36 AM
The best bet is not confronting him. He could hurt you! I would tell the police about the messages and let them take care of it.
- Ginny Jin - 03-01-2013 09:38 AM
Please do not confront him. It will open a can of worms. Just take satisfaction knowing you could and forward to the police.
- . - 03-01-2013 09:44 AM
How does he even know your first and last name?
Cant they search your blood or pee for his sperm?
- Daniel - 03-01-2013 09:50 AM
Hmm, well I think it's important to consider whether or not he sees what he did as a rape. Rape is a very serious accusation and is not to be tossed around lightly (I'm not saying you weren't raped, or that you are making false accusations, I'm just saying that he may have a different view on things).
For example, is it at all possible that you were not in fact raped but are instead reacting to having been intimate with a normally unwanted suitor while intoxicated?. Given that we don't know the circumstances and we certainly don't know either of you in person and that the police said that they couldn't get enough evidence. I find it highly unusual that a rapist would contact his victim via social networking and potentially worsen his legal situation through contact unless he felt that he did not in fact rape you or that even if he did, you could never prove it even with potentially incriminating messages.
Please also bear in mind that because he knows your first and last name, he may be able to find you if he wants to cause you physical harm again. Or simply become extremely appologetic, either way you don't want this guy in your life.
Bottom line: you can tell him what he's put you through. But bear in mind that he may simply not care (if he did in fact intentionally sexually traumatize you I doubt your feelings would particularly matter to him) or that you will evoke an angry/guilty response from him if he feels that he is being falsely accused.
The best thing to do might simply be just to try and move on. You should submit those messages to the police because they may strengthen your case.
I hope I could help you. Be strong