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+--- Thread: Would you keep reading? (This is only a little part of the story)? (/thread-7118.html)
Would you keep reading? (This is only a little part of the story)? - Crysta - 10-12-2012 11:07 AM
EARTH USED TO BE a pretty good place to live. Well, as good as you could get with gossiping teenagers, social media wreaking havoc, and phone companies trying to outsell each other.
Until December 22nd 2012, when the world ended.
No, there wasn’t a huge fire at all corners of the globe, and the world didn’t freeze over, but it still ended.
You see, there was this group that worked for the US Government, and up until then, they’d been researching psychic activity all over the universe. You know, people who could see the future, read minds and all that jazz. This group was called the Sciens, which was Latin meaning “the knowingâ€. They were ruled by a man named Dr. Tarran Cavallon, a man who was so cruel you did what he wanted because you were afraid he would kill you. He had been working for the government since he was barely a teenager. He was ancient. Almost everyone that worked in the HQ feared him.
You’re probably wondering exactly how it is that I know all of this.
Let me take you back to the night the psychics found me.
Okay, so let me know if you would keep reading this! (P.S, it's going to be on wattpad. My username is HeartofBlood12 and the story is called "THREE TIMES TO DIE" if you ever want to read it. It's not on yet tho)
Thanks.
- Pancho - 10-12-2012 11:15 AM
No. The idea is cliche and overused. The writing style is underdeveloped. It seems like the writing of someone who's trying to be hip, but failing. Very narrative as well, try to show more instead of telling.
Sorry.
- The Write Brain - 10-12-2012 11:15 AM
No, I wouldn't.
It sounds like a 13 year old trying to channel Tom Clancy and it's not working.
If you still want to continue down this path, you will need to really do some research to keep the story from sounding ridiculous.
- Kimi - 10-12-2012 11:15 AM
No. Your opening line is nice, but it's downhill from there.
Don't start trashing the way life use to be. It makes 2013+ seem fine.
Your topic is close to the Illuminati/NWO. There's not a chance in Hell (pun intented
) any publisher's going to help you sell a book trashing the future of United States of America! Do what Suzanne Collin ('Hunger Games') did and keep the country unspecified.The writing...is basic. It's okay if your narrator is a teenager.
"You’re probably wondering exactly how it is that I know all of this." Not really. You didn't say it was secret.
And stop talking to me like we met online. It kind of lessen the seriousness of what you're telling me.
Your title's cool, though. I'd pick it up....I just wouldn't read it.
- poldi - 10-12-2012 11:15 AM
There are probably a lot of kids that would find it interesting. It sounds too much like a lot of books and movies I have seen (Scanners comes to mind first thing). It would be lucrative until the end of this year, then the hype and hoax ends and you'd have to change the timeframe to make it marketable.
- Chyckyluck - 10-12-2012 11:15 AM
I would START to read it. It sounds interesting, it just depends what the rest of the story is like. If the the main character is likeable, the plot picks up and there is a lot of action then I would KEEP reading. I guess it all depends on the rest of the story....maybe u should put more up later