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+--- Forum: General Social Media questions (/forum-9.html)
+--- Thread: Is this poem stupid or dumb? Would you call it a good poem? TEN POINTS? (/thread-71241.html)
Is this poem stupid or dumb? Would you call it a good poem? TEN POINTS? - Tamar-Zair - 05-05-2013 10:17 PM
It's not very long. Please help me? Anything you would change?
+ I'm only 15 and this is my first poem so...
(The poem is about African Americans bleaching their skin and changing their hair to be similar to the other races)
ROOTS
My roots are African American,
My roots are Black,
My roots are Beautiful.
I understand this.
But it seems that Social Media,
Statistics,
And others with the same roots as mine
Cannot.
The African American, Black
Woman with the same roots as mine
Are barely seen
They are burned and heated
Cheated and "treated"
Depleted and Deleted
Defeated.
Mistreated.
Straightened out until it meets the approval
Of the conceited
They will not be satisfied
Until the depletion of their roots are completed
My roots are dark
Brown like beautiful soil of the Earth
But replaced with spiteful words
The word soil becomes dirt
Compared to lighter ones
With the longer, lighter hair
The "colored" eyes
They are seen to be more fair
Than the darker ones
This is what they teach
This is what they preach
The saying that we are all to be treated equal
Has been breached
Half of the reason why most dark African Americans
Own a gallon of bleach
Your potential is what I'm trying to reach
You are beautiful,
We are beautiful,
Brown is beautiful,
Our roots
Are gorgeous
-Tamar
- SallyHo - 05-05-2013 10:29 PM
I was fully prepared for a crappy poem about teenage love with a lot of spelling mistakes but this is actually pretty good. It's simple, to the point -I love it.
- Lord-Zippo - 05-05-2013 10:36 PM
Ain't nobody got time fo' that ! I didn't read it all but I can tell it's quite racist even if i'm white.....
- Brianna - 05-05-2013 10:44 PM
I think it is wonderful! It uses good gramar and has real meaning.Keep on writing,your good
- smile - 05-05-2013 10:50 PM
I feel like there is possibly too much rhyming towards the center...
- oakwolf - 05-05-2013 10:57 PM
Decent. Read it out loud and look for places where the rhythm needs adjustment. Good clear delivery of the message.
- scrawnypoison995 - 05-05-2013 11:02 PM
This is well done, and while there are some things you could edit, or not use,,, what the poem does, very strongly is point out, not only disrespect, disregard, prejudice, intolerance, but the sadness in that some want to, or think they can be accepted as someone else.
- Cleopatra - 05-05-2013 11:03 PM
..its a great poem for someone your age really..i liked it.love it ..keep writing
answer mine please :
http://in.answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AoVowehp7T0NZEE7HrdZWGtLjyM5;_ylv=3?qid=20130121054915AALuQxs