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My husband cheated on me for the second time what do I do? - Pree_Girl - 02-19-2014 12:41 PM
First off let me start off by saying that this was not the first time, my husband and I met back in high school and got pregnant after high school. He cheated on me when I was 6 months pregnant. I forgave him and gave him a second chance after discussing that he admitted made a mistake and was very nervous being young and so many responsibilities.. ANYWAY... Now we are 27 yrs old and 3 daughters later he has done again, he cheated on me with a co-worker. This happened about a year ago but He just recently confessed after me attacking him with questions and left him no choice. He said he had a relationship with her and slept with her and went to vegas together.. The only reason I found out was because of instagram she blocked me on instagram and I thought that was weird because she didn't know me and why would you block a random stranger??... I had my other suspicions about it but never brought it up. He said he ended the relationship with her because he got tired of living a double life. he said she got very upset and threatened with calling me and telling me all the truth. This broke my heart and I told him I want the divorce but he cannot move because he has no where else to go also he has lost his Job so he only has me. He said he loves me and that it was a mistake and to give him another chance to prove to me that he is a changed man and that she meant nothing. I truly don't believe him and think that he will do it again if he has the chance. I don't know what to do because we have three daughters and a lot of years invested. We are happy when we are together and we get along pretty good. He is like my best friend and I love him. I know if I left him I would not have a problem finding someone better. But at the end all men are the same... She is a very gorgeous and beautiful girl and SOMETIMES I feel like sending a message to the girl letting her know he is available and she can keep him and take him back because I don't want him ANYMORE!!, Pelase Help I don't know what to do and I am scared of going out into the real world since I have never been with anyone else but him.
- Kizza - 02-19-2014 12:46 PM
What do you care if he's got no- where to go? He should've thought about that before he cheated on you and totally dis respected you.
Chuck his clothes on the front lawn and change the locks. You gave him a second chance and he blew it.
- kate - 02-19-2014 12:54 PM
All men are not the same! Do you think all women are the same? It's his problem that he doesn't have a job or a place to go. If you want out, do that.
- Bad - 02-19-2014 12:56 PM
I'm A guy .I say get rid of him Cause you don't need a man like that depending on who own the house you can give him a certain amount of time so you can kick his ass out legally .Or tell him you need a break and you want him out the house so u can meditate on it like a few months at least to make up your mind . Maybe give him another chance but they thing is you gave him 2 chances already and he screwed up. Think of this if she never blocked you or called to tell you out of spite would you have found out , do your really want to have to worry every time he goes out, do you want a man that sleeps with women other than he he was committed to ? Asked this question too i don't want to sound rude . am i staying with him for my kids or myself so i don't be lonely.
- whynot133 - 02-19-2014 12:58 PM
Well if you really love him , do like everyone else.most women that love a man will let him mess around ,beat them and curse them out.then of course whisper sweet nothings in your ears... really pisses me off. all I ever wanted was one good woman and your old mans got 2 or 3 probably
- Richard the lion - 02-19-2014 01:04 PM
I suggest you think this through very carefully and plan for a future with the girls and without your husband. Unless he gets some serious counselling and gets his moral compass fixed you are in for a rough ride. Kids are very perceptive. Just as they can "feel" and see the love and affection between mom and dad so too can they pick up the negative vibes between you and your husband. You need to ask your self if that is the environment you want your girls growing up in.
He violated your trust once. For most people that would be enough. You took the high road and did your best to forgive him and to make the marriage work.
Doe he love you? I don't know but I can tell you that he places his own wants ahead of your feelings and needs.
While you have valued him and the marriage you cannot say the same for him.
The one thing I would be very careful about is co-dependence. You are in a co-dependent relationship and will continue unless there is some serious soul searching.
Your details suggest that you are desperately trying to find a way of keeping the relationship together:
- we have three daughters
- a lot of years invested.
- He said he loves me
- it was a mistake
- We are happy when we are together
- and we get along pretty good
- He is like my best friend
- I love him
All of the above are rationalizations. You are trying your best to cover for him and see the good in him rather than the person he really is. You are presently in denial. The net result is you are enabling him to be even more disabled. You want to believe that if you give him just one more chance he will change and make things right. He doesn't want a 3rd chance. What he wants is not to lose the house and other assets as well as his daughters.
It is very important that you think with your head and not your heart. Your husband not only violated the matrimonial bed, he violated you and his children. Is he truly remorseful and repentant. I do not believe it. Having had a second affair tells me the remorse he felt the first go around was not genuine. Your husband does not have a repentant heart. His regret is that he was caught. Sorry to say that but that is your reality. I wish you well.
* By the way…not all men are the same any more than all women are the same. Did you have a couple of affairs during your marriage like some women have done?
- Shaeeck - 02-19-2014 01:10 PM
You either need to kick him out and move on with your life or buy a clicker and start counting the amount of times he is disrespecting you and your marriage.
- Amy - 02-19-2014 01:17 PM
He's a complete and utter sleaze. Why would you want to take him back? You've RIGHTFULLY lost trust in him now stop forcing yourself to turn a blind eye. Who cares what he says if he has nowhere to go? He had the money to go behind your back and take this wh**e to Vegas and now it is YOUR responsibility to take him back after he successfully does everything he pleases? You are better than this lying slimball. Forget him and get a nice man whom you can trust and make sure to remember once a cheater always a cheater. If he cheated before he met you he will cheat on you too.
- 8 - 02-19-2014 01:25 PM
Summon up all of your pride and confidence and tell him you can do SO much better, and then LEAVE. Life is too short to waste time with someone you will never, ever trust 100% again. Don't waste it!
- Si Si. - 02-19-2014 01:33 PM
Dear girl..you are not the first and certainly won`t be the last with this problem in a marriage.The thing is,people stay in unsatisfactory marriages for many reasons. financial...children...lack of confidence. It really depends what is more important to you.If the house and financial situation is the most important {and one can understand} then you can stay,but don`t fool yourself you can have it all..not with this man.You can have the marriage and a semblance of stability,but there will be cost.The cost is your self esteem and self worth.The unfortunate outcome is that if you do stay with him you then become an enabler of his behavior and he knows for sure then you will put up with it,so will indulge even more.What you might need is to plan your way out of it. Get career or job training if you can..Look at alternative accommodation..plan how you would mange the children.Perhaps join a single parent group for support and advice..This would help to give you confidence in your decision,so that if you really wish to go you know you can manage...Good luck