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+--- Thread: Why would someone make up these lies? (/thread-99624.html)
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Why would someone make up these lies? - Lilly D - 02-19-2014 12:41 PM
I received a series of emails from a woman my fiance dated right before our wedding. She was telling me that he was cheating on me with her. She went on to say he cheated on her as well, once a cheated always a cheater. I wrote back telling her to back off and she wrote back going on about how when he broke up with her he just ended things and didnt communicate with her and even though she has now moved on it's a hurt she will never forget. THen she's like, bottom line he was in my bed that night.
My fiance denies that he has had anything to do with her. He said their relationship was brief, not serious and was basically a series of dates and yes they had sex. He said she became obsessed with him, would email, text, call all the time. She would show up at his work also trying to get him back. HE never told me about her. He was like, why would I tell you i dated someone like this would you have wanted to date me? He showed me some past emails from 2010/11 where she was begging for him back and he was telling her to move on. He said for the most part he didnt respond to her. One email was her telling him how she wasnt acting like herself, she had to get counselling, then realized she had thyroid issues and that's why she was acting so nuts. There was also an email from her to him asking about me and telling him she thought he'd end up with someone more glamourous than myself. There's also an email from her wishing him a life of misery...she also showed up at his work in 2012 which he did not tell me about!
All that aside...i dont know why I got brought into this. I am angry he didnt tell me about this, but i can kind of see why he didnt. He never thought she'd be emailing me. I just dont know why someone would make such things up. He said she obviously wants to ruin our relationship and does not want to see him happy with anyone else. This all happened 8 months ago and we never heard from her again. He says he hadnt even heard from her around the time she emailed me...I have never had anything like this happen. FOr a while i was ok..then this week i felt upset about it again. He gets mad when i bring it up now. He tells me it's over and done with, we've talked about it. I almost feel obsessed with her now. I want to know who this person is (she has nothing on social media). It's all so unsettling.
I cant imagine he would have cheated 7 weeks before our wedding. I was picturing myself cheating and I would feel so guilty. However i don't know if i'd be able to admit it. I probably wouldnt! I'd just act like it never happened and probably die on the inside a little bit each day. I just wonder IF he would tell the truth if he had cheated. He didnt tell me about her. Again i can see why he didnt...but it's still horrifying to me.
Thanks. He does laugh about it...but he gets up that I do not believe him. He dated her right before me which i think is a reason he didnt tell me. And i guess she is angry that he married the next person he dated. She is also 45...on the one hand it seems odd that she cant control herself at that age...but on the other hand she probably realizes that she's getting old and her chances of finding love are diminishing...at least with a man who has never been married like my now husband. Who knows. I cant rationalize it. My husband is not perfect, but he doesnt seem like someone who would cheat on me...especially 7 weeks before our nuptials and i was out planning. He would have to be a REAL maggot to do something like that. But i know things like that have happened in life to people before.
another thing that bugs me is that my husband works nights. She first mentioned he spend the night with her on a particular saturday (he was with me) but then in her next email it changed to friday. He was working friday night, not with me. Also she described what he was wearing as proof. It was kind of a generic outfit, jeans, plaid shirt, hoody, he DOES have outfits like that. He said, well i always wear clothes like that and she probably remembers.
- Bentley - 02-19-2014 12:51 PM
He did not cheat.. yes, some women are that crazy. That's why he did not marry her.
- she - 02-19-2014 12:52 PM
I did not read all, but...She may be trying to ruin the two of you, she know that you are happy, also she may be bitter towards him, because he did not chose her.
- Kurt - 02-19-2014 12:55 PM
B!+ches be crazy.
- jollylock938 - 02-19-2014 12:59 PM
Please don't let this stray lunatic mess up a good relationship. Trust your sweetheart, try not to think about her. Not all stalker lunatics are men -- some are women. You have solid evidence that she's JPN (just plain nuts), and you have no evidence he did anything wrong, other than her allegations.
- Charlie - 02-19-2014 01:03 PM
only women would be dumb enough to believe a crazy jealous jilted ex gf over the man she allegedly loves.
- Matty - 02-19-2014 01:07 PM
the better question "how did she find your email address?"
As i have never been in your situation, i can only offer some more questions for you to think about. For one, maybe the reason its so unsettling is because your Husband hasn't told you everything. My father and mother tell each other everything, i can recall a very ackward conversation when my dad told mum that (an accountant) had to go visit some woman and she was practically naked, i remember mum laughing her head off. Thats usually, IMO how things should be dealt in a caring and loving relationship.
You might not like this "do you believe that there is any truth to this womans accusations?"
Your husband could also just be getting sick of you bringing up the past. "what do you want? closure, better answers?" however, that being said, for your husband to get angry over what he describes as being a small, infatuational relationship when you bring it up...to me that means somethings up. If anything he would laugh about it, crack jokes, usually thats what you do when you reflect on your past mistakes, you chock it down to experience and move on. Maybe he is with holding info like last time. Be careful, but you do have a right to know, now, especially since you have been brought into the mix, its his fault that his past is now involving you. but seriously how did she get your contact details. be careful.
- Hurricain - 02-19-2014 01:08 PM
He married you, he chose you, and he's been faithful to you. I don't think you know the entire story...but I don't think you want to, and I don't think it would benefit you to know. She is obviously a psycho beeotch, and it would be wrong of you to blame your husband for her lunacy. "He tells me it's over and done with"--it is, if you will allow it to be.
- john - 02-19-2014 01:09 PM
First off I have to say... "Once a cheater, always a cheater" is NOT true at all. I don't know your husband at all or his and your circumstances. But I once was a big cheater, not to brag. I had to grow up and realize that dating a few different women at a time is nothing good at all. It shows bad character. And second, about the not telling you anout the crazy ex when you two began to see each other. Is a tough one, you can look at it from two points, one it could have been a bad thing to tell you maybe you wouldn't have dated him and I'm assuming he liked you, but also letting you know about the crazy ex could have been a good thing so you wouldn't be unaware of her. Nowadays there is no telling what someone would do over love, let me use a different word "obsession" I've had those obsessed women after me too. But my point is if he and you are together happily married dont let anyone bring that down, especially not a jealous ex, they'll say ANYTHING. Best of luck to you too.
- Mother M - 02-19-2014 01:12 PM
It's difficult to follow the story but it appears that all of this happened 8 months ago. You haven't heard from her for eight months and it's still eating at you. If this crazy person is trying to break up your relationship, YOU are doing a great job of allowing it.
Eight months. Decide if you will trust your husband or believe the crazy one.
As another poster noted, the worry is: How did she obtain your email address?
The best thing to do is ignore crazy one, love your husband and never mention it.