Can you help me edit my poem and offer an opinion?
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02-25-2014, 08:16 PM
Post: #1
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Can you help me edit my poem and offer an opinion?
**
Bedtime Story I try to tell the gals that I’m no bard, “My poetry is barely worth a glance! The critics find my work too avant garde Some even have the nerve to call it ‘pants.’†“Oh, Cheesy, please!†they twitter in response, “Just one more poem before we’re off to bed…?†I sigh and give a smile of nonchalance but start to read a magazine instead. They slap my arms and shoulders in a show Of mock exasperation and dismay, Then start to rub my body nice and slow... Who knew that poetry could be this way? Ads |
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02-25-2014, 08:26 PM
Post: #2
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I would change 'call it pants' to 'call them rants' to keep the tone more poetic. I see you're trying to rhyme all the verses, but you don't have to if you have to resort to amateurish words to keep it up. Some of the best poems don't rhyme at all. It's the meaning that counts most.
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02-25-2014, 08:28 PM
Post: #3
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As Shakespeare said, "ah, there's the rub."
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02-25-2014, 08:31 PM
Post: #4
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Nice iambic pentameter. Perfectly cohesive. I like.
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02-25-2014, 08:39 PM
Post: #5
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a Bedtime Story ,I would consider it fair play to good poetry .
Really nice |
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02-25-2014, 08:48 PM
Post: #6
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I love stories that put a smile on my face and this is a sweet dream.
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02-25-2014, 08:51 PM
Post: #7
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A-hem! Ego massage!
Wonder what lullabies did you sing them! Or, did you fall asleep, LOL! |
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