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I'm too quiet and therefore boring?
06-22-2014, 05:02 AM
Post: #1
I'm too quiet and therefore boring?
I need some help.
I'm fourteen and very shy at school, so I don't say much especially not around popular people. There are a few friends that I have that I'm not close with and don't intend to be, but that I seem to talk to really easily and they sometimes find what I say to be amusing. But around most other people I don't say word because I don't know what to say, and they obviously find me boring and have every right to.
I try to just be a good person and not interfere with people's conversations, and I do people stupid favours in the hope that they'll like me even though I know that's not how you make friends and will not work. I get depressed so much over this because I know that I only get one life, and friends are a very important thing to me. I just don't have any close ones. Seeing people that are so close and laugh with each other gets me really down because I so want to be like them, but I'm rubbish at carrying on conversations and I'm very socially awkward. please help

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06-22-2014, 05:09 AM
Post: #2
 
Try, little by little, to come out of your shell. I know because last year I was exactly like you. I thought that everyone had close friends except for me. But I decided that I wasn't going to let my teenage years slip away so I decided to just talk and say whatever to anyone. It was hard, and I'm still kinda shy around people, but just go up to a friend and start a conversation about anything- the weather, a band, whatever you want. Chances are, they'll see you reaching out to them and you'll automatically become closer. It doesn't matter if you stumble on your words occasionally. Brush it off, and laugh about it. And about the favors- show people that they can't just use you. Pretend to be confident even if you don't feel it, and it'll come naturally.

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06-22-2014, 05:22 AM
Post: #3
 
Has this been since you&#x27;ve been going to senior school or did you have difficulty making friends before then?
Secondary&#x2F;high school is a horrible place and time to try and make new friends. You&#x27;re discovering the stuff you like,the bits of personality you can&#x27;t stand in others etc.and as a form of safety, people gather in cliques.only feeling safe themselves if they can discriminate against others.
I guess the only advice I could give that makes sense, is to say to yourself, that&quot;I am a great kid with a great personality and I will not be dumped on by anybody!&quot;
&quot;I have insecurities of my own but I refuse to accept any more!&quot;
If you have this as your &quot;lesson to live your life by&quot; your personality will shine through and my guess is people will want to know you as a result.
I wish I could tell you that life&#x27;s a breeze. But it ain&#x27;t! So the only thing you can really do is be true to yourself.
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06-22-2014, 05:23 AM
Post: #4
 
I can definitely assure you that you are not the only one. I feel like that too, all my life. I have friends but I never found a reason to trust them or get close to them.
I would surely be your friend, seeing that you are very very polite to other people. You putting effort into being nice makes you a very rare (the good kind of rare) person these days. Now it's all about getting to the top of the social pyramid.
About your friends. Those people sound like pretty typical friends. But it seems like you deserve better than them, no? I am suffering the same situation as you. The type of friends that you have is just regular friends, but maybe it's time you find a friend that helps you out of your shell. To do that, you must find a friend that understands you, that is like you. Are there any quiet people in your grade? Maybe get to know them, compare likes and dislikes. You can greet them like "Hi, my name is ________. What's yours?". They'll answer and you can say "Cool. See ya around!". And from there, you can start slowly talking to them more and more. Now that our society has more and more social media, you can talk to them more easily through like Facebook or texting. It's a lot less scary when you talk through computer. And after a while, when you're closer to that person, you can start hanging out with him/her.
For your shy problem, some people find being shy very cute! But if people around you seem to think that being shy is boring, maybe smile a little! They might be mistaking your shyness for not wanting new friends. A smile will go a loonng way! Trust me Smile
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06-22-2014, 05:33 AM
Post: #5
 
Same boat here. It's not true that we're boring though. Think of it this way, most 'normal' chit chat is too boring for us. Smile
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06-22-2014, 05:34 AM
Post: #6
 
I can relate to this so much. I was exactly like that when I was in year 10. I was quiet, plain, and unpopular. I'm 16 now, I've still got social anxiety. Do you feel the need to please people just to be liked or maybe not be yourself. In group of friends, they were all best friends with eachother, except for me. I just had to kinda watch as they linked arms or spoke about their upcoming days to the cinema. I couldn't relate to any of them. One was quite rough, and spoke about her s3x experiences, one never made sense when she spoke, like I felt out of place. I thought nobody liked my personality, and I'm a very ambitious girl. It's hard having such a big, amusing personality like yourself, but no one seems to like it or take notice. This made me feel worthless. I did the same as you, do favours to please people. You shouldn't do this too often, because they will see you as an easy target and think 'Aw she'll go anything' You need to show your personality. But you can take it in small steps. I don't expect you to go to school and all of a sudden be confident, it takes time. What are your hobbies? Mine are acting and dancing. What I like doing is turning a bit of 'Show me how you burlesque' and dancing to that, it gives me confidence. You say people find you 'amusing'' Why. What do you do that makes you so '!' ?Instead, ask other people for favours.If you're asking a boy and he refuses just say 'Don't be a nob now ..(say his nickname) for example, if his name is Jamie , call him Jame) This will show a bit of playfulness, that you're not all quiet, and it will make you feel confident too. If you overhear a group of girls , and you hear something you can relate to, say 'Oh is that..? or I know that, isn't..' Those girls will see that you're socialable, and not the quiet girl you're seen as. Make regular facebook status's, but not like 10 a day. Get true but funny quotes which will earn you likes, here's a funny one 'Girls wearing 'GEEK' tops but failing BTEC level 1 hair and beauty.' -Also on facebook, comment on someones photo 'Pretty x ' or 'love your dress!x' This again shows you're not the quiet girl as such. Confidence can increase with image. I used to have my hair in a ponitail, using jel, water and like a 1000 clips! I was strict . But look on tutorials on Youtube, due your hair a darker, lighter or a different colour, (people will notice) makeup, maybe use a bit more mascara, or use liquid eyeliner, i use itSmile ( I recommend doing one with a bit of a tail) Throughout year 11, i felt alot more confident. Keep asking people favours. With Social anxiety, it is hard. It is.In a conversation with your friends, or 'friends' maybe explain that you've got it, so theyre more understanding. Try expanding a convo instead of saying 'Yeah' M, Oh cool' If a friend teases you, don't be afraid to tell them 'Stop it ...!you're bloody annoying you! (so it's not too mean and not too jokey) Remember to smile, you don't know who's looking at that beautiful smile, girl:)If you don't understand a piece of work, ask the person next to you say 'Do you get that?' & when they explain say 'Aw so that means..' and then after say 'Aw you're a lege' (legend) ' or 'Aw thanks' with a nice smile. Is there a guy you like at school? Give him regular eye contact, give a slight smile if he looks. This let's him know you like him. In class, don't be afraid to put your hand up. I'm in college now, and in school I hated it, but now I absolutely miss it! I wish I could go back and do all things I've told you. They're the things i wish I had done. Make the most of your time at school, it's precious. Really. Make yourself a someone! They're quite mixed up, but I hope they all helpSmile I will look out for your name if you need any other help with socialisation, as I can relate to it alotSmile
I wish you all the best!
Leah xxx
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06-22-2014, 05:38 AM
Post: #7
 
I'm 14 too and I have the same problem. Actually there are a lot of people with the same problem. Everyone always says to do sports and join clubs which can be helpful but isn't always as easy as people say. Just going up and saying hello to people can be hard. It seems as if everyone all ready has friends and there's no way they will ever want to be friends with you. Even though it's really hard I promise if you try to open up to people they will want to be your friend. Look for the people in class who aren't talking to anyone and look as if they don't have anyone to talk to. I guarantee 90% those people want to have someone to talk to just as bad as you do. Even if it's just small talk i'm sure the person would appreciate having someone to talk to. Keep trying to talk to this person and you'll begin to feel more comfortable. If you think you have a good chance at being friends invite them to the movies it's the easiest place because you won't have to talk too much. Maybe you guys won't be best friends but you'll never know until you try. One girl who I never thought I would be close with ended up becoming one of the very few close friends I have.
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