How to contact an absent father?

[Elmbeard]

I have not seen my children in over 8 years (nearly 9 for my daughter) and they have grown up without me. I miss them terribly, but know that if I make the first approach, I will only antagonise them, since their mother has long painted a picture of me as a useless loser and not important in their lives now they have a real dad in the shape of their stepfather.

Anyone who called me an "absent father" (especially Government officials) got threatened with a lawsuit, and really I have always regarded that slur on my character as defamatory and untrue. I was discarded like a used tissue for a better model, and have had to come to terms with it best I can.

I'd love very much to meet my two children again, but don't expect I will. I have left instructions in my will that if I die, they should not be told, nor any of their mother's associates or relatives, and of course I have written them out. It's their loss that they have accepted their mother's opinion of me.

The best thing your son or daughter can do is to send a letter or email, rather than you doing it yourself. Finding him requires a bit of detective work - try Facebook, a Google search, the Electoral Roll, and anything really that could whittle down those 3 pages to a handful of numbers you could get a friend to call posing as a double glazing salesperson or a Jehovah's Witness (be prepared for some rude words!).