to have or to not have engagement party?

[Odette]

An engagement party serves two purposes.

1) It is held to introduce your two families if they haven't formally met before. This is a time for your parents and siblings to get to know each other before the wedding and congratulate you on your engagement. It is NOT an elaborate party thrown with a bunch of friends. The bride's mother traditionally arranges for the groom's family to come over or meet at a certain location, but these days the couple can arrange for their families to meet. This would occur shortly after the engagement has been made 'official'. This is only necessary if the families live a fair distance apart or don't have a prior relationship.

2) The couple have kept their engagement secret from the world. They host a dinner or cocktail party for close friends and family (only those who they would invite to the actual wedding). During the party, they (or, traditionally, the bride's father) announce their engagement. The announcement is a surprise for all involved. NEVER use another person's party as a platform for announcing your engagement. That steals the show and it is rude, rude, rude.

Gifts are not expected at either occasion.

So, unless your families live in different towns and haven't met, or unless you've kept your engagement secret and want to announce it to your friends and family in person at the same time, you don't even need an engagement party. Spend what money and resources you would have put into the party on the wedding instead. If you want a pretty way to tell friends and family about your engagement, get an announcement done up either in the newspaper or on a photo card that you can mail out. Make sure you've told family about the engagement before you put it in the paper or on Facebook. Aunt Ethel wants to hear it from you, not someone who saw it on a social networking site. I know that sounds petty, but etiquette prevails in this instance.

If friends or coworkers want to take you out for dinner or drinks to congratulate you, let them, but you do not host your own engagement party unless you're going with option #2.