How should I react when my 15 year old daughter gets bad grades?

[Fixer]

I don't think it's at all fair to blame the child for failing grades. Have you ever thought about whether she's already trying her hardest and everything's just too much and too hard to handle? Or her teacher's teaching doesn't conform to her learning style? I know, I went to school. I work hard, but sometimes life's just too much at times. School isn't what it's used to be. Better were the days when they just asked you what 4+7 is. Nowadays, fourth graders are being taught middle-school material, kindergarteners actually have homework, and first grade material is being taught in preschool! Ridiculous.

I understand. I failed chemistry, and it was the only class I ever had an F in. Chemistry is a very hard class, and you should already be proud she made it into chemistry. But if she's not getting what's being taught, spending hours studying or doing your quizzes aren't going to help. And even school-tutoring might not help because their tutors have to attend to many people and you just do homework in tutoring which can be different than what's being taught in class or on tests and quizzes. Not to say it's the same for me as anyone else, but after school tutoring or doing it with the teacher may help.

Two year olds throw tantrums. Her "tantrums" are just her way of venting her frustrations. Good sign of it is, she knows her weaknesses. I don't think you should help her at all unless she requests to be helped. And only then should you explain, rephrase, and clarify to the best of your ability(don't confuse further if you don't know it yourself). Not to do it for her, not to quiz her. Offer whatever help you can, and offer the options of extra help and tutoring. But if she doesn't like it, she probably isn't going to benefit much from it.

If she can't help failing, punishing her for bad grades isn't going to make things suddenly better. Unless, of course, she's out all the time with her friends and not getting anything done, then she might benefit from staying in. If she's already trying her hardest, then there would be no "reason" why she's still failing(it gets hard, be understanding) and you should praise and be proud of her not what a piece of paper says about her in grades, but as a person and all her fine qualities and traits.

There's really not much you can do. She's the student, not you. The only reasonable option is to let her know help is available and if she doesn't care, then you'd have to make her care without invading her space. Don't push her beyond her ability, that creates more pressure and stress than she already is in. Because normally, a person who doesn't care at all wouldn't pass all those math classes and get to Chemistry at 15. Chemistry is usually for 16 and 17 year olds Juniors and Seniors.

In my experience, counselors are usually useless. They're always too busy to make time for anyone, they always have to nag you about your grades. They rub it in that you're going to fail and aren't getting into college. As if you don't know already...

She's only 15. If she's trying her hardest and still failing, then there's still alot of other chances. She could give up electives to rettake a class, repeat it in the regular year, or go to summer school and still make all the classes before graduating. Be supportive of her ability, fine traits, and through times of emotional adversity(the divorce, the relocation).

And understand that each child is different in his/her own ability. Forcing it on them to do better than what their limitation isn't doing help. As for college, know that in this time and age of a competitive world, the majority of students don't get into a good university, at least not the first time. Even some kids with a 4.0 or higher don't get into the school of their choice. Now is that setting the bar way too high or what? There's always second chances...