Fun Writing Challenge: Euphemisms (+ some fun publishing euphemisms)?

[Stephen J.]

1) The characters exhibit a fascinating sense of mystery and vagueness.
2) The author often gives lengthy definitions of difficult terms for less-experienced readers.
3) The author leaves nothing to the imagination; every feature is described in great detail.
4) The author is so connected to the story it almost seems as if it came from his own life.
5) The story has a very distinct structure, wherein the climax is nearer the beginning than the end. Very interesting choice.
6) This story is great for readers of the popular YA options of today, as it is a collaboration of all the things that make those books what they are.

BQ: I like "meticulously crafted".