If you were able to hack into BBC News and write a 'Breaking News' headline, what would you write?

[PATCH]

Ed Miliband comes fourth in a private opinion poll among members of his family in answer to the question: “Who would make the best leader of the Opposition?” Ed is pipped to the post by his brother David, his son Samuel and their new Airedale puppy, Kipper.

President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad of Iran guest-edits the Today programme, during which several homosexuals are stoned to death live on air, just before Garry with the sports news.

The energy secretary Chris Huhne announces the sites for 1m new wind turbines, including new state-of-the-art, coal-fired versions that work when there is no wind.

Several women in Saudi Arabia are beheaded for “having been a bit arsey over who should have the TV remote control”,

The government’s new coal-fired wind turbines are revealed to be slightly less environmentally friendly than the Exxon Valdez. Chris Huhne denies responsibility, claiming it was done while he wasn’t looking, by his ex-wife

Heavy winds have brought chaos to Britain and destroyed the remaining wind turbines. Climate change activists insist that the winds are the consequence of global warming, which can be averted only by the construction of more wind turbines.