i cut a lot and i want to die?

[O.o]

I don't know if I can really help you, but I understand what it's like to have suicidal thoughts, everyday. I think you'll need to help yourself if anything, here. Existing is very cool, even when it sucks, and if you want to be not suicidal, it would be a good first step to learn to love the insanity of somehow randomly existing. I mean, at the end, we all die anyway, perhaps like it all never happened, so why not buy the ticket and take the ride? Have fun with all the crazy experiences people can have.
Also, killing yourself is a horrible thing to do to anyone who happens to love/care about you.

I was having many suicidal thoughts, up until only a little while ago I just decided I wanted to stop being a whiny bitch about things, because I know how to keep going when I'm scared, and it has worked pretty well so far.
Take that as you will.