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Can anyone revise my essay? Its for admissions at ucf. Help with conclusion please.?
11-27-2012, 07:07 AM
Post: #4
æpəl tɹiz Offline
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You should find an editing service in your area. It's very sloppy writing. It doesn't seem to make sense at certain times. You need to reduce your sentence length and add more full stops. Some of your sentences are too long.

You should also use formal language, rather than informal language. It's a university admissions essay, not a personal facebook message to a friend.

Edit: I should also add that helping your family at home might not count. Maybe you should talk about volunteering for the church. That seems more relevant to your essay.
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Messages In This Thread
[] - drip - 11-27-2012, 07:07 AM
[] - elbee - 11-27-2012, 07:07 AM
[] - æpəl tɹiz - 11-27-2012 07:07 AM

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