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How do I change my life to be happy?
12-09-2012, 09:05 PM
Post: #1
How do I change my life to be happy?
My philosophy in life is to be happy.
Do what makes you happy and change it if it doesn't.
The sad part is, I haven't been happy in 8 years.

I'm 16 and yeah, I was 8 when my world shot to hell...Kinda cliche'.
Anyways, when I was 8 everyone shun me from their group. I wasn't aloud to play or talk to them.
And for what reason you ask? I have no idea.
So for about 5 years I tried getting my "friends" back and it ended with me in the same place as I was 5 years prior.
I gave up trying 3 years ago...I took the hint that i'd never have the "normal" teenage life.
So I rebelled. I mean, not with drugs or alcohol (because lets face it...that is "the norm")
I started writing and reading...a lot. I spent a lot of time watching movies and tv.
What else was there to do?
I don't talk to anyone in school... The rule is, "keep your head down and hope you don't get noticed"

You have to realize that this isn't a fun way of life.
Who wants to be the shy one? When they are actually the outgoing one that nobody cares about?
I'm not shy.
I've tried this program in school where surrounding schools go take classes as one school (just go with me).
I've tried 4 of those classes and people shut me out.
I keep good hygiene, I'm polite and really nice to everyone. I know what it's like to be judged so I don't do that to other people.
I've tried to get my mom on board with homeschooling...That failed. (Don't say anything about this).
I've tried looking into schools nearby to be sent to...Way to much money.
I've tried looking for apartments with my mom...Way to much money.
I've tried volleyball, softball, cross country and tennis... Who wants to be on a team sport being the black sheep?
Basically, I've tried everything my mom and I could think of.
Do you know what it feels like to try and try and not get anywhere?
I'll tell you.
You feel hopeless. You start to question what is the point of life (I mean this as why am i here if its just miserable for me? Not in the sense I am going to kill myself...Im not) Will it always be like this? Why am I not accepted? Whats wrong with me to not be given a chance in about 8 different gatherings? And then you feel weak. You feel like you have given everything you could into making your life decent to not have any good outcome.
You know, I don't even know the last time I hugged someone. I can't remember. And I've never even kissed a guy...Which is awesome.
All I want is 1 or 2 friends to take pictures with and post on Facebook, I want to be tagged in those god awful looking pictures at parties...Normal teens have hundreds of them...I have none. Not even one picture with me and a group of people on Facebook.
I'd like to laugh and mean it. Not laugh and think, "Yeah, they believed that one just like the last."

So, for the next two years what can I do to be happy?
Just slightly, enough to have me stop crying myself to sleep every night.

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Messages In This Thread
How do I change my life to be happy? - LoveIsWriting - 12-09-2012 09:05 PM
[] - Been There - 12-09-2012, 09:13 PM
[] - happinessisachoice - 12-09-2012, 09:13 PM

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