Been thinking about ending my life.?

[squarestage552]

I been contemplating suicide these last few weeks.

I have severe anxiety and is dealing with some depression, I'm a 19 yo girl and I have no life, no friends, no boyfriend, no nothing, I am planned to go away to school in Boston in January. I tried dating this guy who I knew since elementary but when we got back in contact I never made an effort to go see him and I would always avoid him because I was unsure he seemed like a good guy who liked me but due to my anxiety I never saw him and he was tired of not being able to see me after talking and texting for 4 years and so he moved on I guess, lately he's been a real asshole and he's be insulting me a little by calling me a liar on twitter and it got to me and made me feel really bad about myself, then on the other hand my family is toxic and makes me feel low and less than a human being and I just get so anxious sometimes and want to die, I feel alone, I feel everybody's against me, I feel like I'll never be good enough for anyone to love me outside my family, I'm starting to lose sight of my purpose of living, although I'm moving to boston in January, people are criticizing and saying that I can't do it and that I'm not going to be able to handle it and their opinions bother me and affect me, along with everything else and I really want to go to boston so maybe it help my depression. I want a normal life, I want a husband, I want friends and I want career but I honestly don't see myself with those things. I see people I know thats my age and they're doing so much better than I am, they are so ahead of me and it hurts because I want a life so bad, and also when I was growing up my siblings made me feel like an outcast, never took and serious and always would tease me about being different, they never stuck up for me, I always felt alone emotionally, I am so misunderstood. There's no meaning to my life I'll never be the person I want to be, and I'm also scared of building a life because I know one of my family members will ruin it for me. I know this may sound confusing to those that's reading, I never talk to anyone about this because Im afraid of sounding like a pyscho path, I'm just going through a lot and I deleted all of my social networks. (Facebook, Twitter and etc) just so that I don't have to see everyone else's life, not that I'm jealous but because so I can try to focus on my own life and not try to compete with other people. I feel so helpless and hopeless, I never been suicidal and I still don't consider myself to be suicidal, I just want a peace of mind and end this depression and it seems impossible to do while I'm alive, so death would probably be my only way to peace, I believe in God but at the point on life I'm confused about what he wants me to do.
Reading these answers is giving me some hope... and I truly appreciate you all. I read each answer except for the first a**hole... I thank all of you for caring, and motivation. This depression just feels so impossible to shake and I refuse to take medicine because I refuse to rely on medication and it makes it so much worst.