Should me and my fiance live in the U.S. or the Netherlands?

[tigrillen]

To me it sounds that while you claim that you regard the Netherlands as your second home you really are out of your comfort zone there. Since you probably won't learn Dutch at all if you don't live in the Netherlands and you'll grow personally much more if you get out of your comfort zone for you it is probably better to move to the Netherlands. You'd hopefully learn to appreciate other ways of life which are not exactly your own current habits. The Netherlands is also more advanced in ecology and energy saving than the US.

Generally the difficulties and advantages seem to be pretty equally balanced. But Europe has much more to offer in still differing cultures in a fairly close region, so it would be a pity to not use the advantage to explore and learn. Maybe you could live for 5-10 years in the Netherlands and then move to the US if you then still want to.