PLEASE HELP ME, I BEG YOU?

[Ariel]

By reading your questions, you seem like an intelligent person so my response would be not to kill yourself. You do have a lot of technical knowledge, so you should be able to secure some people who are willing to learn those software you named from you. You can try giving tuition so you have some money to start with while you look for jobs. Go for small IT company, not the big ones, and ask for lesser salary than market rate. This will boast your chances as companies tend to look for people they can pay less to in entry level. If you kill yourself now, all your hard work getting all these certs would be wasted, so give yourself some time, say another year?
You have not experienced the best thing in life that is to fall in love. Wait for that to happen, if it too disappoints you, then maybe think of something drastic.
I find it morally wrong to give advice to someone about killing themselves. so I won't help you there.