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Can you help me edit this paragraph?
02-19-2013, 12:09 PM
Post: #2
 
I'll try my best:

School is a place meant for learning, and the distraction created by websites such as Facebook and YouTube only hamper the learning process. One professor from theUniversity of Colorado found that students who used laptops in class averaged 11% worse on tests than those who took notes on paper. That set the laptop-using group’s average at “almost the same as the average for the students who didn't come at all.” Some students even confess to being distracted in class, such as Ruben Musca, who says: “If the class is really boring ... I check my Facebook.” Many teachers and professors have said that improper or distracting laptop use has reached the tipping point, leading to teachers to ban use in their respective classes. Some may say that professors that did not grow up in the “digital age” do not fully recognize the immense benefits or temptation a laptop yields, but as J. P. Krahel, who taught in 2009 and 2012 while studying for his doctorate, says: “Eventually [one student’s] performance dipped a little, and I think he realized it.” He also admits to getting distracted on his laptop and realizing what a waste it was, "having to do a lot of catching up on my own time, or asking for other people's help.” Countless websites can serve as distractions. Facebook and Twitter for socialites, ESPN.com for sports fans, websites for almost any store and hundreds of thousands of other websites for others: YouTube, eBay, Tumblr and other blogging websites, etc. Indeed, there is a website for almost everyone; a recent study by a professor fromGeorge Washington University indicated 95% of his students admitted to using their laptops for “purposes other than taking notes.”

I fixed some of your grammar/spelling mistakes, switched around some phrases, and changed some of your wording, but nothing to extensive. Overall a very good paragraph.
Cheers Big Grin

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[] - Isabella - 02-19-2013 12:09 PM
[] - Dolly - 02-19-2013, 12:09 PM
[] - quietyard464 - 02-19-2013, 12:09 PM

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