Can you help me before I end it?

[whocares]

ok first stop and think... you said you didn't feel anything when your relative died. No, some people don't, because your brain suppresses things when it hurts too much, but that doesn't mean no one feels anything. If its a suicide they're likely to be hurt more than a normal death, so trust me you WILL be hurting them, and more than you think.

2nd, talk to someone right now. If you have no one go to the hospital. they can make it better, take the pain away for good.

3rd, if you're religious pray for all your worth, sounds like you need it right now

Stay strong, i nearly commited suicide a few times too, and believe me, i'm glad i didn't. It can seem like the best option (believe me i fully understand that state of mind) but most of the time you're wrong. Life is worth it whether you can see that right now or not. Make the right choice while you still can xx