Thoughts of becoming a murderer (please read thoroughly)?

[Zoey]

I'm so upset right now, it's hard to form the right words. My heart hurts for you, and it makes me want to scream to the media, "This is what's wrong with these kids. It's NOT the kids, it's the parents." I'm not saying it's always the parents, but you're 14, so this is NOT your fault. THIS. IS. NOT. YOUR. FAULT. If you get nothing else out of this, know that this is not your fault and that you're a good kid, and that you aren't going to hurt anyone because your a good kid.

You talked to your parents, and they WON'T send you to therapy! Sweetie, listen to me, please. You said to read that thoroughly, so please read this thoroughly. You're going to be okay because you're trying to seek help. This is not your fault, and you have feelings of love for your family and your pets. that's not the way a person feels if they're going to kill their family. But don't watch things like that. Feeling the way you do, it just gives you ideas. Sunday, I sat home and watched a marathon about gangsters in the 30's and got so wrapped up in it, I was ready to half way fall in love with these Mafia killers. They looked so amazing. (it was a rainy, cold, and i didn't feel well lol) But it's just to show you what TV can do when you're feeling the way you do.

Let's put this into perspective. If you were truly crazy, you'd have hurt those animals out of rage. You're not going to be a psycho killer, because you recognize it, and worry about it. You're dealing with post traumatic stress and instead of getting help, you got into trouble. And you cried. The truly crazy, the true killers don't care enough to cry. You FEEL, and the only problem you have are parents who don't see what they're doing to you. This is on them, and they need to fix this.

Disturbed people don't worry about staying away from sharp objects. they take them, and use them. And violent video games? You're 14, and that's normal. My son played those for hours and hours until I was just ready to lose my own mind. He'd have his moments of rage until I told him I was going to make him stop and he'd settled down. But he hadn't gone through a traumatic experience. That's why you're in a rage, and that's the only reason. But the fact that you get upset with you sister and then feel bad afterwards speaks volumes about who you are. You're a good kid who got into a horrible traumatic experience, and now you're home with parents who won't listen to you. You're a good kid, no matter what your head is saying.

Do you parents even watch TV? Do they not see what happens when things go unnoticed? They're lucky you're a good kid because after what you've been through, you could have gone out and hurt people, and yet, you're begging for help and they're ignoring you.
You need to sit your parents down, and you need to tell them you're worried that if you don't get help, you're going to hurt yourself. If they don't listen this time, please talk to someone else. Call someone you trust, if you can't get to them, just call them.
If you belong to a church, call someone from church, and talk with them. If you call the school, I'm sure you can talk to the school counselor, and explain what you're going through. They'll be very glad to listen to you. Do this before school is out for the holidays so they'll be there.
Or call an adult you trust. You need to get some help because you're not crazy, but you're dealing with a lot right now. You're 14, and you can't do this on your own.

Please please hang in there, just do what you can to just hang on a little longer. Don't hurt yourself. I honestly don't believe you'll hurt anyone because you have guilt, and you feel worried about hurting others. But I'm terribly worried that you'll hurt yourself. Sweetie, please please don't do that. Listen to me. This isn't your fault, you didn't do anything wrong, you're going to be okay, and I know you're a good kid, so I know things are going to be okay.
Email me if you need to talk. You can write pages and pages, and I'll read every word. My email is zozeeo@yahoo.com And please try again to talk to your parents, or to someone else if they won't listen. Email me. Just don't hurt yourself.

Please be okay. And remember what I said, if you got nothing else out of this, remember, this is not your fault, and you're going to be okay. You really are an amazing kid. I'm so proud of the fact that you've been through so much and you're still reaching out.