english teacher please help with this poem?

[DERRICK GASKIN]

Unusual perspective, so you have achieved your goal. I feel it is overlong and could do with editing, especially any lines that repeat themselves. In a poem a phrase should only be used once except for very special effect - even repeating the same words in a poem can be detrimental to the overall idea. 'but I amindeed the exact' - I don't like this phrase and would encourage you to think of another way of expressing this. 'It's self'. Do you mean that this is indeed 'self' or should this read 'its self' - I think the latter is the correct usage. Summing up: an exceptional idea very well expressed. If you are prepared to shorten this I feel the impact would be quite startling. Well done.