How do you maintain dignity after a hurtful unfair breakup? Depressed and desperate...?

[Ted K]

No easy answer for what you're going through, it's going to take time. It's easy to just say "forget him," but the truth is, you won't. Ever. What you WILL do, however, is eventually get to the point where remembering this part of your life won't make you depressed anymore, because you will have found happiness along a different path. How long it takes before you get to that point depends on how you handle this. Right now, you're feeling hurt, betrayed, angry sad, etc. etc. There's nothing you can do about those feelings, as bad as they feel, under these conditions it's normal to feel that way, and as weird as it sounds, they're the first step in healing. Go ahead and cry, rant, rave, get all that emotion out, you don't want to bottle it up. Obviously you don't want to do that in public, but you need to do it. As time and life go on, those feelings will gradually lose their edge. You CAN accelerate that process by purposefully doing things that will put some emotional distance between you and him. First and foremost don't stalk him--stop checking out his Facebook page. Unfriend him. In fact, it might even be better to just stop Facebook altogether for a while, because every time you go on there it's going to make you think of him. Don't go hang out by his place to see who's coming and going, etc. Obviously right now you're highly invested in this now failed relationship, so this first bit is not going to be easy, but it MUST be done--in effect, you have to force yourself to resist the temptation to torment yourself. You've got to try to force yourself to not sit and wonder why he ended it, and why he ended it the way he did--it's a waste of your time and emotional energy, and it's going to delay your recovery. Second, this is the time when you need your friends and family. Focus on them, spend as much time with them doing stuff as you can--try not to be alone because otherwise you're gonna start thinking too much, and right now the kinds of thoughts you'll have are depressing. You don't need to start dating again, you're not ready for that, just try to hang out with friends you turst who are doing fun stuff like going out to the movies, going for coffee, anything to take your mind off this situation. Don't listen to songs that remind you of him, don't go to places you used to go together, find other things to do--your friends and fmaily can be a big help in this. As you get more involved in different stuff like that, stuff outside yourself, stuf that's "new" to you, you will gradually realize you've still got your whole life ahead of you and start missing him less. Eventually, you will hit a point where you'll start to actively wonder "what the hell wasI really missing?" Trust me, it'll happen. It always does, unless you're psychotic. I've been through this, pretty much everybody has been through this, and I promise you it does get better. It's just your turn right now. Good luck.