How can I find meaning in life?

[Fake]

I've been googling for self-knowledge but haven't come up with much. Isn't the internet supposed to be infinite? So why does it feel like I'm reading the same text about 'stepping out of your comfort zone' with the occasional mention of 'meditation', 'philosophy' and/or 'go to a therapist' over and over again? I bet the people who write those things are just as clueless as I am. Are those the only answers Humanity has been able to produce so far? How am I to deal with the World like this? Or are the Buddhists right in that the answer is to deny my humanity and don't deal with the World at all?

I lead a normal life, but at the same time I just don't know who I am. Should be a traveling bum? Or should I have a job and start a family? And if so what career should I try to pursue? And is my girlfriend the person I really want to start a family with? How can I even be absolutely sure that I'm straight gay or bi or whatever? What am I going to wear tonight?

I have been stuck for at least six years without any clearly defined life goals. I have a few good friends, and I'm lucky and grateful to have a beautiful girlfriend and a not-so-shitty job, but at the same time both have 'come with the tide' and can be seen as things that tie me to my current situation and prevent me from truly going my own way. Or maybe the notion that you can control anything at all in your life is completely delusional, and I should be happy I have been dealt a fairly good hand. Maybe in the future I will find that right now as I'm writing this I'm very happy.

But there is a fear underlying almost all of my actions and intentions, or lack of. I feel such regret for things I have done in the past, like being with a person for two more years than I should have because I feared I would be alone forever if I left her. Even now, I'm very much afraid of women I find attractive. Not in a pathological way, but in such a way that there is always a tiny part of me that will say that I am with whomever I am at that moment only out of fear. Which isn't even true, because I really like my girlfriend.

That fear applies to everything. It prevents me from doing all the things I've always wanted to do, like writing and making music, it convinces me I never wanted to do them in the first place, and it tells me that if I really wanted to do them I would be great at them. After a while it becomes comforting, and I'm afraid my world is already shrinking like that mouse in Kafka. And the worst part is knowing there are millions of persons going through this right now, this is just a mundane problem. There is even a U2 song called 'Stuck in a moment you can't get out of'. How more cliche can you get?

So I guess I should just man up, right?