After two years of marriage and a daughter - Found out husband cheated.. Advice? Is it worth forgiving?..?

[Valy]

First of all, I need to be honest and say that I'm neither married nor have I ever been cheated on whilst in a serious relationship. So what I'm about to say comes from common sense and previously read advise from professionals.

They key point here, is that the trust you had in him has been broken. He hasn't been honest with you either when it came to telling you about what happened and how much happened, nor when things were going on at the time. You have every right to feel betrayed and hurt, therefore disgust is a perfectly normal reaction: he doesn't seem like the man you fell in love with any more. Therefore, you recoil at the sight of this "stranger you're married to". (I've felt similarly when my feelings changed for a boyfriend, I literally couldn't bring myself to seeing him the same way)

As it is, you have several choices which range from mild to decisive. The choice you make depends entirely on how YOU feel, and how far HE is willing to go to make amends. The choice you're happiest with will ultimately result in your daughter's healthy upbringing. (The younger the daughter, the more you can start with a 'clean slate')

If he accepts to being COMPLETELY HONEST with you and telling you EVERYTHING, then there is a chance that you believe that he values your relationship enough. He might have strayed because a) he's still young, b) is nostalgic of having the freedom of a singleton, c) feels weighted down by the obligations of marriage, or d) he's unhappy/he likes the thrill of it all/he's under pressure and needs to cope with naughty distractions(a lot like binge eating).

Although it's not much discussed, more couples than you think have one of the two "stray" when physically distant from their partner. These rendezvous can actually help a couple in many instants, if a solid foundation of mutual attraction is present. Leading a double life, even if just for one night, flushes out many self-conscious uncertainties a person may have (either in the bedroom or in other aspects of their life, like work, or family)... a lot like detoxing. You must also consider this aspect. BUT, for an affair to work - unless it's been mutually agreed to be an open relationship (which therefore requires absolute HONESTY)- it must be shrouded in absolute SECRECY.
The transition between secrecy (exclusive relationship) to honesty (open-relationship) can be extremely painful to both parties. The nature of the relationship literally changes... which brings me back to "being in a relationship with a stranger" and therefore feeling "sick".
But it's NOT impossible to accept the changes and go with it.

If you decide to give him a chance to explain himself, he owes you his full honesty. He'll try and hold back things he reckons you'll feel pain coming to know, but shielding you from these truths will only damage your relationship further so let him know of these conditions: it's brutal honesty or nothing.
If he doesn't accept these terms, be ready to either swallow down your hurt and close an eye (or two) and live your life unhappily but easily, or pack your bags and take your daughter and leave - however painful, frustrating, bothersome, complicated it may be. Your happiness is at stake and living a mediocre life can damage you and your family more than necessary.

Those are your options: have him tell you everything and decide you can work this out, pack your bags and leave for a happier future, or ride it out and wait for things to be okay again as if nothing ever happened.

I acknowledge that yours is a difficult situation, especially with a child involved. It's like a hurricane just pillaged your home, everything familiar and safe is somewhat broken, and you have to pick up the pieces and make sense of it all.

I suggest watching the comedy movie "The Women" (with Meg Ryan, Jada Smith, Eva Mendez, etc) and the storyline is centred on friendship, a working career, but also on the personal trauma of a husband cheating on his wife (Meg Ryan) with a younger, beautiful perfumeshop girl (Eva Mendez). I think that you'll like it and even be guided by it.

Best of luck!! Hope that your future will be bright and happy