Ethical vegans: Would you agree to go to a restaurant with people who will buy non-vegan food?

[Learner]

"Am I right to feel this way?"
Excellent question, thanks for asking.

As humans, we've evolved as social animals. Our innate biological and sociological drive is to fit in, to be valued for our contributions, to look up to and respect characteristics or behaviors we admire, to like and BE liked. However, as humans, we also posses, intellectually and emotionally, a sharply defined grasp of concepts like justice, fairness and sympathy, and correspondingly, protest against perceived injustice, unfairness and unsympathetic acts.

Reconciling the two -- group conformity and our feelings if misaligned with the group -- is never easy, and it is no doubt particularly difficult for one who is cognizant and compassionate. See, in our society, cruelty is ubiquitous, and animal use (read abuse) is considered the norm. Even if your instinct may demand that you scream out against it, group-think and peer pressure will teach you (if you ever dare to give it voice), in no uncertain terms, to clamp it down hard and fast else risk losing your social standing.

Caught in this seemingly unresolvable dilemma, we question ourselves, our feelings. Is it right to feel the way we do? Is it right to feel aversion? Is it right to feel resentment against those who don't "get it?"

I want to assure you that Yes, it is right, it is right to feel all of those things. Not only is it right, it is the *only normal* reaction, unadulterated with societal expectations and impositions. It is normal to find cruelty repulsive. It is normal to feel anger at injustice. It is normal to feel frustration at apathy. Don't question your anger, don't suppress your aversion, just feel it for what it is, for what it tells you about yourself. The day you cease to feel this, be alarmed.

"What should I about it?"
Now that we've established that feeling this way is normal, the question arises how we deal with it in a manner which does not compromise our safety or our sense of security, or cause us to behave in a manner which would result in isolation and loneliness (or in any more than what we're comfortable with or capable of handling). The approaches will vary for each individual, and no one here can tell you what that might be for you. If it helps you to be vocal about it, be so (you can express your thoughts on social media sites or a perhaps a blog) and introduce your friends to this topic via those mediums (which are typically a lot more non-threatening than a direct confrontation). *Most* people respect individual beliefs - and you may find surprising accommodation for your ideas amongst your friends. It is not guaranteed that they will come around to your way of thinking, but it is more than likely they will respect you for being true to yourself. Any mocking and teasing along the way generally tends to dissipate with time (and knowledge).

As for eating out, if eating out causes you to become uncomfortable, minimize those situations -- to the extent that you can and to the extent you're willing to be absent. Take your friends to vegan restaurants, or host a potluck which might give everyone a chance to show off their research and culinary skills, and have fun along the way.

As you go through life, realize that there WILL be times when you will find yourself, either voluntarily or involuntarily, exposed to the consumption of non-vegan food, at school, at work, at social gatherings with friends and family. As you begin to feel the familiar stirrings of discomfort, acknowledge it, embrace it -- and as you do, realize that you're paying homage to the part of you that is Beautiful, Caring, and Compassionate. There are many unfortunate ones who never will.