Why am I becoming so antisocial?

[Brianna]

I have a big group of friends. But lately I've been contributing much less to the conversation. I've been by myself quite a bit and the friends that weren't close to me became acquaintances-just mere classmates to me. Now I can't even keep up a conversation without stopping mid-sentence because I forgot what I was going to say or saying something stupid. I've become depressed and the only reason why I don't self harm is because I don't want anybody to find out. Just today my best friend slapped me hard on the face because I spilled water on her. My other best friend is socializing with my other friends and has been ignoring me, and leaving me out. I don't know why I even bother to show up at the usual lunch table anymore if nobody's going to acknowledge me or listen what I have to say. I have horrible grades no matter how hard I try, and I'm not very pretty or talented. I am socially awkward and I can't go to school anymore without feeling the need to cry. I've been thinking a lot recently about how I should kill myself. I don't deserve to live. I'm just an ugly stupid thing who can't even talk normally to other people to save my life. I'm sorry that this is long, but I really need to get this all out. Is there anybody out there who is kind enough to help me cope with this loneliness and sadness?