ex text me about 12 year old daughters dirty text messages?

[K B]

If she was my daughter I would impose loss of privileges like mobile and PC use until she can prove she can be trusted. Explain that you have given her the opportunity to use these things and she has behaved like an idiot; she can either explain herself and lose her privileges for a week, or not do so and lose them indefinitely until you say its okay again.

This may sound like a childish way to treat a 12 year old, but she IS a child; its 6 years yet before she reaches adulthood. It will require determination and vigilance on your part and that of your ex to ensure the ban is enforced, but you really have to stick to it.