Can someone please give me advice about what's on my mind right now.?

[Tarek]

Hey guys,

So I really need some perspective because I'm trying to make some major decisions in my life.
I'm at my 2nd university after dropping out of my first one 3 years ago. I'm 2 years into this one but I keep dropping classes which brings me further and further from ever graduating. I have never been able to handle a full-course load so I haven’t actually experienced a decent summer break in years since I have to take summer school to try and keep up. It keeps costing me an insane amount of money that I can't afford and it has gotten to the point several times where I had to take personal loans from people to stay in. Everything I do in university just feels like... a waste of time. I'm not happy, even though I achieve great to alright grades I just feel like I'm missing out on life grinding to get a bachelor’s degree that I started in 2009. I'm 23 now, everyone that I see on a daily basis is much younger than I am (18 to 23 does actually make a big difference) and I don't really have any people I consider full-time friends. I see people on facebook that I graduated high school with and who I should’ve graduated with from my first university starting internships and even getting married… and well I’m still at my mom’s house (rent free), hanging out with people 4-5 years younger than me, I see some friends once in a blue moon if they’re in town, and I’m jobless and dead broke.

I've lived with my mother since 2008 but I still don't get along with her until this day and every day she just makes me feel like I’m a leach eating away at everything she has… even though I don’t ask for anything from her. I feel like absolutely shit by living off of 100-200 dollar allowances that my dad wires to me every now and then. If I could help her out financially I would.. I’ve had a hard time finding stable work for 2 years now and whatever earnings I make is eaten up by the government because of my student loans (and those that I owe money to privately). I don’t have much of a relationship with my family because they’re very conservative and that I’m never taken seriously by any of them.

I'm fed up with living a very slow moving life... it doesn't seem to be going in any particular direction and I want to change things up by possibly going to college because I know I'd find it a lot easier and it'd get me out of the house quicker. I’d also be able to find a job that I’d be able to balance with school and be able to afford tuition with my own money and to make a savings to move away. There are also co-op programs in college that can get me working and making money even sooner. However, I can't do that without feeling personally defeated because everyone I have ever brought the idea up to keep telling me that I'm too smart for college and that a degree is better. The way I’m thinking about it is that I can always finish my degree but do that on a very part-time basis after I establish myself to be self-dependent and reliant and only as a personal achievement.

My dream in life is to move somewhere far away from where I live now and to be a father – Hell I even have had my kid’s names picked out since the 8th grade. I’m perfectly fine with the idea of a comfortable middle class life making 60,000 – 70,000 a year and being married to someone who makes close to the same. I’ve had ideas of how I want my future family to be from as long as I can remember… I feel like I have to make up for the lack of fathering my own father gave me. As long as I have those things, I’d be happy working an average salary office job for awhile before saving up enough money to open up my own business. I want to get married and have kids while in my 20s because I want to be able to relate to my kids once they grow up.

In summary, I want to apply for college, find a stable job and save at least 20,000 in the next 2 years to move out of the country and find my way from there. With all the switching I’ve done in my life I don’t know how much of crap talk I’d be able to handle from family members. They will convince me that I’ve given up on myself once again… but they don’t know that everything I’m doing is to get away from here and from them. I want to step into a new life that is much different from the one I’m living now. I just want out.

Really give me perspective guys, I need it. I really appreciate anyone that reads this as getting perspective from complete strangers might prove to be more better than anything I’m hearing in my life now.