I feel like a horrible person and wonder should I send him his birthday present and an apology.?

[Joe]

A true friend will be there when you need them. He abandoned you when you were needing help.
I'm not sure he is your friend at all.

You are still young at 18 and experiencing things for the first time. Drinking hard liquor is something that is best done in moderation. It will get you drunk very quickly and make you do things that you would never do normally. You are not responsible for what went on that night.

Try to find older friends to spend time with. You have no obligation to send him a birthday gift.

" I'm thinking about suicide?"

You have too much to do and experience to even think about ending your life. Look for what you enjoy doing and do it with a passion. It could be art, writing or just exploring.

You will find that what seems overwhelming today is easily resolved tomorrow.