Please if you know tell me how to painlessly kill myself?

[Jack]

Any life is better than none. Life is beautiful and you shouldn't just end it even if things are extremely bad. Until the Drs have said you have no chance of survival then there is always a chance! don't give up on yourself, you owe it to yourself to not do that. I would ask the doctors to give you a real update on what is going on with your body and then you can find out what your survival rate is, even if it is a bad forecast, Doctors have been wrong before.

Either way, I wouldn't end my life if I were you, I'll just take Stephen Hawking as an example, he was supposed to die decades ago, is he dead? No. Does he love his life now? Yes.

So to sum everything up:

1: Ask the Doctors what is going on
2: Believe in yourself
3: Never give up as no matter what the Doctors say there is always a chance for recovery.

As Steve said, we are all rooting for you and can't wait for you to be up and running again in a few months time. Good luck