Please if you know tell me how to painlessly kill myself?

[Autumn]

Hi Sam. I am in a similar situation and have been for the last 7 years. I am 38 and I am housebound most of the time but bed ridden less so now that I make an effort to use my rise and recline armchair. I have a compromised immune system and a neurological condition with symptoms similar to MS, I also have a string of other conditions. No carers though.

You are depressed and I know how depressing life seems when you are alone most of the time and have time to worry about your health. Leaving the house will do you the world of good. Social services can refer you to a day centre, a group or as a day patient in a care home.

They can also provide transport for you and a wheelchair. If you can't walk because of pain or your heart then you can be referred by a social services occupational therapist [an OT] to wheelchair services for a powerchair. I go out in mine when I am having a slightly better day and it's lovely to just stop and talk with the neighbours or what spring flowers emerging.

Going usually means that my pain increases and I need to take morphine or I catch an infection and I usually have to sleep for 2-3 days to recover. It really does perk me up though and I get enormous pleasure out of meeting a friend for coffee. Have a word with your GP about whether you are safe to venture out.

You also say that your doctors don't know what it wrong with you. I'm in the same boat and I had a couple of horrid years being tested for terminal illnesses. I also recently had 6 admissions for heart problems which gave me a real fright.

I recommend that you ask your doctor about your prognosis so that you can make plans and adapt emotionally and practically. Also ask for a referral to a pain specialist to learn how to manage your pain through medication and Mindfulness meditation. Ask if it is safe for you to start venturing out again and ask for a referral to wheelchair services. You also need to ask for antidepressants to lift your mood and help you feel motivated to start living your life again.

Being housebound is not the end of the world. For years I have run my life, and social life, from my bed wearing pyjamas. I have had builders in and all kinds of workmen and they would come to my bedside to discuss matters. Friends would sit on the sofa in my room to watch a film or my sister would get into bed with me. I have joined forums to meet people online, I've joined Facebook and I take pride in trying to help people on here. I pay all my bills and correspond with everyone via the internet. I have joined Netflix so that I can watch films online.

I have a hot water dispenser on my dressing table and a tea tray so that I only have to walk about 4 feet to make a cuppa and I have everything else I need on a trolley beside my bed.

Please can you email me via my profile so that I can try and help you. It would help me help you if I knew your medical problems. Leaving the house is difficult, painful, scary and a lot of effort but you need to try. Going to the park in spring to see the new life all around you is inspiring. Being stressed and depressed at home all day is not going to help improve your physical health.

I hope you do get in touch. Best wishes, Autumn x