why do i torture myself?

[Heather]

Hmmm, I think the reason you torture yourself by looking at his facebook although you know it is stupid and it makes you feel down, is that something is yet unresolved. Your post seems unemotional, detached and really not in proportion to what this person did. He disregarded you, your feelings for him, your loyalty to the marriage and married someone else, throwing away 20 years of your life and now seems happier than ever. That is not an unemotional event. Until this is resolved it is possible you will continue to check his facebook and be on the look out for him. The ideal solution would be to talk to him directly. It can be very cathartic to release pent up feelings simply by expressing them. If that is not possible, write it down. Get it all out on paper. After that if you feel finished then good but if you still find yourself looking for him, you will need to send him what you wrote or speak to him reading what you wrote. Your self torture is not self care. Take care of you - you deserve that.