why do i torture myself?

[Carol]

Sounds like you feel that friendship loss now...and being friends with an ex I can tell you some people I feel are meant to be in our lifes but not as lovers in any form.
Maybe you miss your friend his wife too, perhaps a "dinner at a restraint to work past the past would be the closure you need, just do not bring up the fact of the past or any feelings now other than that the friendship is missed by you. You can learn to adjust to being just friends. Or you might build a great friendship and then be able to close those doors and put then to rest allowing the friendships to fade as friendships often do.
Getting your old female friend on board is the way to go...trust me...appoligise and blame the past on youth and inexperience...that helps.