Help w/ My girlfriends obsession?

[Mike A]

First off, celebrity crushes happen. People develop obsessions with actors all the time. Though most people end up just following them on twitter or becoming friends with them on facebook and calling it a day. Even if she is obsessed with a celebrity, it's not like she has much of a chance to leave you for him. So I am not sure what you hope to accomplish by having talks with her about it. I would suggest just leaving it alone.

As far as the rest of it goes, you did find possible evidence of her cheating on you. Either that or her planning on cheating on you. It also just so happens that this guy is in the UK, where she is planning on visiting. I would be suspicious.

I know you have a good explanation for why you were in her inbox. Did she tell you to go ahead and check? or did you just go looking? Obviously you had a legit reason for going into her inbox, but you know how this looks don't you?

I would say that if you plan on addressing this to her, and I suggest you actually do so, you need to be careful and tactful. Do keep in mind that you might be accused of snooping. If she's actually a cheater, she will try to turn things back around onto you, and make you the bad guy for digging into her privacy. The place where this video was stored is in a different area than where a video she sent you would be. How are you going to explain to her how and why you saw it.

The fact that she expressly wants to go to the UK without you begs for more explanation than she is giving you. I would say that you might want to just tell her that you've thought about it, and you're not okay with her going to England alone. If she gets angry, ask her who [guy's name] is. How the conversation goes from there is going to be touch-and-go. If she tells you he's "a friend", she's lying. He could legitimately be a guy who was just hitting on her and sent her the video unsolicited. But if her voice was on the recording, and she wasn't telling him to stop, she's also lying about that.

So, I would state the case that it looks to you like she is planning on going to the UK to see this guy. That you are not okay with the idea of her going on this trip alone, and no amount of explaining on her part is going to change how you feel. If she is either planning on cheating, or already has something going on with this guy, she just might tell you off and decide to go on the trip anyway. If she actually has no intention of cheating on you, she might just cancel the trip, or perhaps reconsider inviting you. Maintain that you trusted her, and now you have a reason to not trust her intentions.

If she really wants to make the hard sell and convince you that this was a one-time thing, and that he sent the video without her permission, just insist that she log you into her inbox, so you can have a look around. Be sure that you do this right then, before she has a chance to go though and censor things. If you find absolutely no mention of him other than this video, or perhaps a reply rebuking his attempt on her virtue, she might be telling the truth. But likely, if there was some sort of infidelity going on, there will be an ongoing exchange. It is unlikely that things will even go this far. But be prepared to. If you can find evidence that she actually turned this guy down, then, and only then would I suggest you relent on the suggested decision.

In the end, the relationship sounds like it's winding down. If you tell her you are not okay with the idea of her going on this trip, and she still plans on going, telling her that you will leave her if she goes might be in order. But be prepared for what might be a big mistake if you're wrong.

And that's the best advice I can give.