Why is my cheating husband being this way?

[Jessica]

Long story short my husband had a 2 yr emotional affair with his massage tgerapist and eventually left me and our daughter for her. They did not work out and he's since come crawling back. He says he realizes he was stupid, bla bla bla. Personally I feel like 2nd choice and he didn't end things she did. So I'll always have that hanging over me. He's even said if it had worked with her he'd be with her because he had already mentally left me, but now he feels we can start fresh and fix things. He says he lived a fantasy in his head about her and that wasn't reality. Problem is I feel like 2nd choice. I feel like this whore has one up on me. I know it's stupid, but it drives me crazy. I feel I only have him because she didn't want him. I asked him to send her a text basically telling her that he went back to his wife and that it was a mistake to ever pursue her that he loves me and his mind was mixed up. He refused to send it. This text would have made me feel I regained some power over this embarrassment. So after fighting about it with him I said fine. Then I did a joke by putting " I love Jessica" on his Facebook page. I wanted her friends which he is also Facebook friends with to see it and tell her. Well he freaked and called me stupid and idiot. This to me is a huge red flag. If he's done with her etc then why get so angry over it. What's the harm? He said its because he's tired of me acting this way and he knows I did it to be spiteful so she would see it. So what if I did? Am I allowed to have no pride. So my question is, he won't send the text and acted like that because he still has feelings for her isn't it?