Someone help me please....nothing is working out my way ??

[Srikant]

Hi, I currently living in Southampton. Ever since my childhood nobody liked me I was always alone nobody interact with me much. I always have to go behind people just to talk or do some group activity. People have always been jealous of me nobody takes my idea or suggestions, they treat me like a loser. I would like to confess that I never believed in GOD for past few years but I do regret my decision, I kept abusing God using foul language, I really feel sorry for now I hope God forgives me. My parents believe a lot in astrology and they go visit different astrologers back in India and tell me nice stories about my future but always nothing really happens as what I they told me. I fell they are also cheating me by lying to me about my future this has put me under extreme depression and I am worrying about my future.

Right from 2011 my time has been worst. During my final year I really had no friends in college, also I was a victim of politics my project did not get the best project title which I should have got clearly upset me like anything. I was also enthusiastic about taking part in competition but my teacher never encouraged. After I completed my bachelors without a job for 6 months then got a job i was not satisfied, I tried for jobs and internships at many places nobody responded in some cases I get an opportunity I do manage to get to the finals but the results never come out and I lose the job. After a lot of struggle I got a job I was not happy with the salary but I did work hard and also I did try to find other jobs but I failed. I did manage to find many people who often say they will help but in the end nobody shows up.

People always criticize me a lot for doing things wat I am good at. I was always good at building things like engineering things nobody encouraged me. I want to know is it a sin to build things ?????? Now I am currently studying my masters in Southampton. I felt my life would change after coming here meeting new people but still no body calls me or wants to talk to me and I am still not happy because I didnt get a scholarship and I have to depend on my parents to support my stupid life. I just missed the scholarship too, I had no luck even in that. I often upload my profile in blogs or forums or stupid facebook and ask people suggestions on how to improve my profile and wat are my chances of getting a scholarship, everybody have gave me a thumbs up but in reality I am a loser.

I liked one girl so much she also hates me, I tried impressing by giving her a gift that I made the gift was her face carved on a plate of copper, she took it and she didnt even say how it looks or how I made it. She used me like a toy whenever she has some work she calls me else if i call or text she doesnt even reply.

My relatives and everyone around me always criticized me nobody supported me they hurt me a lot I am so feed up with my life. I am not able to sleep in peace I have cried many nights thinking about this. I dono wat to do, I tried being nice to people and help them but they just ignore me. They use me a like a toy. Only my parents and brother have supported me now I feel I have to stay away from them to save their lives. I feel really bad to do this I have no other way of keeping them safe. I am going so mad at times I just bang my head on the wall or scratch my self with blade or knife.

I am going feed up sometimes I feel I shud finish and put an end to this by killing. I already spent a lot of money by joining this masters it was too expensive, I wish I got the scholarship. I was really confident to getting one but even in that I didnt I failed. I am a total failure I dont deserve to live anymore, I am god's failure! my life dangers my parents and brother. I desperately need some help I am have no other way of seeking a remedy I really beg of you to help me.

I am worried about my future after I finish my masters I am scared if I will get a job or not. I just wanted two things in my life to go my way one was my career and second was my wife. I always wished I have a love marriage but it seems impossible no girl likes me. I also landed in a police station once for doing nothing.