Please help! How can I except the truth?

[Beth]

I read a book about a year ago where there was a certain character that stood out. A really nice girl with a friendly personality. In the story, she likes doing things I enjoy and I always wanted someone like her as a best friend (because I haven't had a best friend for years now, because I have a hard time being close to people) but soon I realized I wanted HER as my best friend.
I am caught in a depression, which had started years before I read the book, and have never really gotten along with my family. So when my family and I get in fights, I always think of her and make myself believe she will come knocking on my door one day (having of heard of me in someway) so we could run away to live with her and her family.
When I think about the reality of this, I see how stupid it sounds, and that she is not real but I don't want to except that at all.
I'm having a hard time letting go of this lie and need help, thanks.

Also, I know this sounds so stupid, but it took alot of courage posting this on the internet for strangers to read, so please be kind.
Hmm, shoot it out has nothing to do with this, it's really irrelavent.