Need Advice oh Friendship ?

[kate]

Obviously, it sounds like a terrible marriage, but he is making a lot of these decisions too. The main ones being, to stay with her and to vent to a female friend. What I would do in your position, is to tell him that you're worried because of the reasons that you listed above, but that you aren't going to meddle in his marriage or try to be controlling (like his wife) but that you are available to listen if he needs to talk and that you know his other friends are as well. This would be easier if you were male, because you could offer him a place to stay if he needed it but as a female friend, that's probably not helpful. If you are 1300 miles away, you probably should back down a bit after this phone call and stop calling his parents. His wife is splitting him from his friends, but he's a grown man and he's allowing her to do that. Even if he calls you upset, he ultimately needs to make the choice to make the changes in his relationship or to leave. If he were serious, he'd do that. As an outside party there's very little you can do and getting too involved can end up with you painted as the person who destroyed the marriage, even if you aren't. I'm not saying this to be mean, I've just had a similar experience where I tried to help a female friend out of a physically abusive marriage. What I learned is that you can't help more than the friend is willing to act. If they aren't willing to act on there own, at a certain point, all they are doing is drawing you into the drama and using you as a crutch for them to remain without changing the situation. My friend stayed in her abusive marriage for more than five years after she cut me out of her life for "causing problems" and "encouraging fights". It was only when CYFD got involved because her husband beat one of her children that she realized that if she didn't leave, she would lose them. I agree that the situation sounds horrible, but he has to make the decisions to leave himself.